ex-meat-eating-ex-vegetarian.

UPDATE!!!!

2011-04-27T11:21:00.001-04:00

Graphic Design Portfolio is now LIVE!!! Check it out!

http://www.krop.com/colure/portfolio/

Also have a Photography Portfolio up online as well!!

http://colure.carbonmade.com/

That's it for now!!

It's been far too long...

2010-06-17T11:13:00.004-04:00

This will be short, but! I just realized it's been WAY too long since I last posted to this thing! In fact, didn't I promise some kind of PAX '09 update before I went to Seattle?? And I didn't do that. Which is a shame, because I took LOTS of great photos and did all kinds of things whilst in Seattle!

So!

My new goals...

--Actually DO my Seattle PAX '09 blog post, complete with stellar photography, BEFORE we leave for PAX '10 this year!!

--Bi-weekly blog updates. That's like, twice a month. If I can't handle that, I don't know what's wrong with me ;p ha!

--California trip blog update, complete with stellar photography, when we return from our California trip in August!

--PAX '10/Seattle blog update, complete with photos, after we return from our Seattle trip this year!

Also, I ordered this really cool (or am ordering in a moment) blog-tester makeup kit thing from my absolute faaaaaaaaaaaavorite makeup shop ever (on ETSY!) so I totally plan to do a fun review of everything once they send it to me - complete with photos!

Ok! Sorry if this was all over the place! Just had to get it out there and done before I got distracted (again) and forgot.

ADD man...

Published!

2009-07-11T09:36:00.003-04:00

To my surprise and delight, I received an email this morning from an editor at Schmap Online Guides letting me know that one of my Seattle photos has been selected to be a part of their latest "Schmap Seattle Guide"!

She found it on my Flickr account - it's a photo I took last September, of the Seattle Monorail at the Westlake Center.

This is the one:

Pretty cool, huh? You can check out how it's being used in the Schmap Seattle Guide online under the "Public Transport" section here!

This year, when in Seattle (gosh, it'll be so soon - less than 2 months away!) I definitely plan to take even more photos, and if I have the time (and internet connection), I'd love to do a travel blog of sorts while I'm there. I definitely took enough photos to do one last year, and this year is bound to be no different!

Crossroads

2009-06-12T15:02:00.009-04:00

As many of you already know, Kevin has been, for some time now, unemployed. He has also actively been seeking employment ever since the day he lost his job. It has been three months now, and although he has had some interviews, he has yet to find anything.

While I realize the market is tough right now, and that the really economy sucks, I still don't understand how it is that someone as qualified, talented, and dedicated as my husband can be interviewed for positions that he is absolutely perfect for, and yet somehow, not get hired for any of them. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to me. At all.

For the most part, he isn't applying for "pie in the sky" types of jobs, either - he's applying for basic office/administrative assistant types of jobs that in all likelihood won't pay him anything near what he used to make, but he is more than qualified for. The man has a college degree, for goodness sake - plus real world experience. He's intelligent, flexible, a fast learner - I just don't get it. I don't understand it one bit.

I'm not sure what the numbers are up to now, but I know that about a month into this process, he had already applied for well over 100 jobs. Edit - just spoke with him, and as of last week, he is nearing 200 jobs applied for...

Part of the problem that he and I have come to realize over the last three months is that Orlando, as a metropolitan area, is somewhat limited in the types of jobs it even has to offer. Most everything out there right now is either sales/marketing, IT, or healthcare. And, with a bachelor's degree in a subject that doesn't readily lend itself to any of those fields - History - it's somewhat understandable why he's been having such a difficult time finding anything. I can't really picture the man doing sales - he's not the pushiest of people - and while he would be good at something IT-related, he is definitely not qualified without any formal training. And healthcare? We won't even go there.

In any case, all of this to say that recently, Kevin and I have been seriously re-evaluating our lives here in Central Florida.

For some time now, he and I both have been getting somewhat antsy - discontent, if you will - with the status quo. We've grown weary of the heat, the humidity, the lack of vegetation other than palm trees, the tourist traps, the serious lack of precipitation, and the overabundance of allergens that are present year-round. We're ready for a change. A big change.

Last year, we visited Seattle for the first time. And, straightforward: We fell in love. With the city! With the Pacific Northwest. With the hip, liberal attitude, and the vibrant downtown. With the sustainable, earth-friendly, locally-supplied restaurants and the availability and ease of public transportation. With the proximity of towering, mysterious mountains juxtaposed against the coolness of the Pacific Ocean. With the lush environment and the overcast, windy days. We even loved the rain.

So it's no surprise that for the past year, our sleeping dreams and waking daydreams have been overrun with thoughts of relocation. We constantly engage in conversation that has evolved from "how awesome it would be to live there..." to now "how awesome it will be when we live there..." - moving to Seattle has gone from being a pipe dream to now being a near certainty in our future. The only uncertainty left is precisely when that move will happen.

We go back and forth over whether it would be best to move sooner or later. There are certainly pluses and minuses on each side of the matter.

If we hold off on the move for a few more years, that would certainly give us time to save up money, and it would also give us time to possibly start a family - have a baby, and share that experience with all of his family that lives locally here in Orlando. Having family nearby would certainly make having a baby easier - aside from having built-in babysitters (which would of course be a huge plus), simply having the love and support so close would be wonderful. And of course, there is the part of us that truly doesn't want to deprive his family of the opportunity to share that experience and those early baby years with us.

However, on the flip side, if we move within the next year or so, that would give us an opportunity to really enjoy the city together and go out and explore our new corner of the country without having to worry about a baby, too. We could live downtown in an apartment built for two (and a dog!), and we'd be free to stay out late exploring the city's nightlife, and to go off on weekend adventures kayaking Puget Sound or hiking the Cascades. We could really take the time to establish ourselves in our new locale - to find good careers and to really build a life for ourselves out there, before adding a baby into the equation.

I also read a report recently about the current state of the nation's economy that had a map showing where the recession was throughout the country, and where it was going in the future. Washington (and most of the Pacific Northwest) is expected to be the first area of the country to recover from this recession - meaning that it would certainly be the most ideal place to be once things start to pick back up, especially since it's already showing slight signs of recovery. On the other hand, Florida is expected to be one of the very last parts of the country to begin recovery. It's likely that even now, Kevin will have a better chance of finding a job in Seattle than he has had for the last three months looking in Orlando.

So, with all of these many factors on the table, he and I are certainly standing at a crossroads in our lives. Relocating to Seattle would mean a HUGE change - undoubtedly, one of the biggest changes of our lives. We would be thousands of miles away from everything and everyone we have ever known. We would truly be on our own. But with Kevin's unemployment situation nearing four months now and with no hope of future prospects, the thought of picking up and starting anew - of wiping the slate clean and moving somewhere full of new possibilities and untapped potential - is beyond tempting.

We are nowhere near making any final decision at this point - if anything, it's likely Kevin will simply start applying to jobs in both cities. And wherever fate decides to lead us, we just may follow.

The Culprit

2009-06-09T14:54:00.004-04:00

So, for years now, I have struggled with a variety of digestive issues (stomach pain after eating, gurgling noises, loose bm's, bloating, nausea, etc) that would generally come and go. I typically chalked it up to my known lactose intolerance, which I have apparently had since I was born. I also typically ignored the fact that these symptoms would appear even after meals that didn't include dairy of any sort - I'm not sure why I ignored something so blatantly obvious as that, but most likely, it probably had something to do with the fact that I really didn't want (or need) another food allergy.

Lactose intolerance is, after all, hard enough to live with all by itself (I absolutely love dairy) - worsened by the fact that up until recently, I was a vegetarian. And if you've ever been a vegetarian, you know that a good 1/3 of your diet consists of dairy. The other 1/3 of veggies, and the last 1/3 of carbs. And while there are various products on the market to help individuals like myself deal with lactose intolerance, in my honest opinion, they don't really work. More often than not, I end up just dealing with it - I might go out for some ice cream (and as a precautionary measure, take some lactaid pills beforehand, just in case), but always with complete knowledge that I will simply suffer for it later.

This past winter, however, for reasons I still have yet to discover, my symptoms grew far worse than ever before. No longer did they manifest merely every now and then, and they were definitely not simply tied to only meals including dairy - they were increasingly consistent in both frequency and severity. Pretty much every meal I ate caused my stomach to ache painfully afterward, and I felt fatigued and bloated all the time. My bm's were clearly abnormal - up to as many as eight times a day and always loose and discolored. My stomach and digestive system would make strange noises, and there were many days I could do nothing but lie on the couch in agony. I tried avoiding all things dairy, but even such a sacrifice as that proved ultimately unhelpful. The symptoms persisted relentlessly, and I was left wondering what on Earth had gone wrong with me.

What confused me the most about the onset of all of these health problems was the fact that I was (and still am) a relatively healthy individual (or at the very least I most certainly strive to be one). As mentioned, I was a vegetarian (for 9 years) so I ate a great deal of vegetables and whole grains. I rarely eat anything made from refined flour - no white bread, no white rice - we're talking all whole wheat, whole grain breads, pastas, brown rice, and so on. I exercise regularly, drink plenty of water, am an avid green tea connoisseur, and consider one of my top 5 favorite foods to be strawberries. I actively try to do all of the "healthy" things so often promoted as being part of a "healthy lifestyle".

So WHY was I having so many health issues???

I decided to take the next logical course of action (that is, after several months of concerned insistence from Kevin, his parents, my father, and most of my friends) and go see my doctor about my many health problems. It made sense - he's a medical practitioner, he'll be able to diagnose and thusly treat my condition. I assumed that within a few months' time, I would be back to a normal, healthy individual.

Unfortunately, my doctor was not as helpful as I had initially hoped.

Knowing my history for severe allergies, he first prescribed me another oral allergy medicine, thinking it might clear up my symptoms. No such luck. At the next visit, he recommended I begin taking fiber supplements and tentatively diagnosed me with IBS. I did as prescribed, but still saw very little change in my condition. He ordered a stool sample and some blood tests, but again, still found nothing. My ob/gyn suggested I start taking probiotics. I did, and along with the fiber supplements, noticed a very slight improvement but still nothing worth noting. My doctor then referred me to both an Allergist and a Gastroenterologist, but unfortunately, with nothing but catastrophic health insurance coverage, and Kevin having suffered a recent job loss, and each visit costing potentially $800 or more, these were avenues I could not pursue. It seemed as though nothing would help. I began to wonder if I was doomed to forever suffer discomfort after every meal I ate, and if my digestive tract would ever be normal again.

I began doing my own research via the interwebs. I started with the symptom checker tool at webmd, and explored the various possible diagnoses contained therein. One possible explanation that came up often in my research was food allergies and intolerances. Again, while deep down inside really hoping this was not the case, I decided it was time to start giving the thought some merit. After all, I do suffer from some pretty severe allergies along with one already-diagnosed food intolerance - lactose. The likelihood of my possibly suffering from another intolerance was that much greater.

My findings all lead to the same inevitable conclusion: I would have to undergo an elimination diet in order to accurately diagnose whether or not I was suffering from any kind of food allergy or intolerance.

Using information gathered from my research about the top food allergens in the U.S. along with knowledge of which of those allergens my diet included, I embarked upon a 6-week-long food trial. I elected to completely cut out not just dairy (which I already knew irritated my digestive system) from my diet, but also wheat as well. Since, in my attempts to be a healthier individual, I ate so many products containing wheat (bread, pasta, etc) - and truthfully, a great portion of my diet consisted of this grain (we're talking breakfast, lunch, and dinner!) - I figured it was the first logical allergen to check.

Now, cutting out wheat is not nearly as easy as one might imagine. Wheat gluten, the specific allergen in wheat, is in practically everything! Not just is it in the obvious wheat pastas, breads, cereals, tortillas, breadcrumbs, and so on, but it's also hidden in everything else from almost all baked goods, most processed cheeses and lunch meats, soups, sauces, dressings, marinades, and even chocolate! Label reading would be a MUST if I had any hope of success.

I decided to go the all-or-nothing route, figuring it would be the surest path to success - I would go to my local natural, organic food stores, and I would stock up on everything I would need for the next month. Gluten-free pasta, sandwich bread, tortillas, cereal - you name it. If it was something I ate regularly, I got it, but in gluten-free form. All of my meals - breakfast, lunch, and dinner - would be entirely gluten-free. It would be somewhat pricey venture, as most gluten-free products are considerably more expensive than their wheat-containing counterparts. But, it could also be worth it. If, after 4-6 weeks, I failed to see any improvement in my condition, I would know for sure that I was not allergic to wheat gluten, and I'd be able to move on with my life.

After the very 1st week, I knew I was doomed. My symptoms disappeared almost entirely.

By the end of week 4, there was no room for doubt - eliminating wheat and all things gluten (along with any cow-milk dairy) from my diet made all of my symptoms completely disappear. I felt 100% better than I had felt in years. I felt like a normal human being again. I felt healthy.

After all of that - all of the doctors visits, the months and years of digestive discomfort, the confusion over what was wrong with me - I finally know. I can't say I'm entirely pleased with the discovery.

The fact that I am gluten-intolerant (along with being lactose-intolerant as well) is certainly making my life more difficult. Eating out is like navigating a minefield - it is near impossible. Buying gluten-free products at the store is unavoidably expensive, and requires that I shop at three different stores just to get the best prices. Some of my favorite pass-times have to now be re-evaluated - baking cookies, brownies, homemade bread - all of these activities have to now be altered with gluten-free baking flour (which is honestly quite the science experiment, since I'm never entirely sure how it'll turn out), and even something as simple as going over to Kevin's parents' house for dinner is now a stressful experience, as I have to worry about whether or not the dinner they're serving is safe for me to eat (and in most cases, it isn't) - in which case, I am faced with either not eating much of anything, or eating what they serve, and then suffering greatly for it later.

And perhaps the greatest difficulty that I'm finding so far with this ongoing war with gluten is the fact that unlike my lactose intolerance, on those occasions that I do have to slip up and eat something with gluten in it, the suffering is far worse and way more far-reaching than it ever was when I would just have a little ice cream now and then. Instead of suffering for a few hours, I end up suffering for a few days. Definitely doesn't feel worth it, that's for sure.

In any case, I am thankful for one thing. I am SO thankful that I'm no longer a vegetarian. If I were, there would literally be almost nothing I could eat. The fact that I now eat meat gives me a great many more gluten-free options than I would otherwise have.

So I suppose that's the silver lining in all of this.

It's funny, this blog started off being about my transition from vegetarianism to meat-eating. And now, it appears as though it has a new direction: my transition from eating like a normal human being, to eating gluten-free.

Expect more posts in the future about my trials and tribulations concerning gluten-free living. I'm almost guaranteed to have a plethora of new material, thanks to my new diet.

Uninspired?

2009-05-21T15:29:00.001-04:00

I'm seriously the worst blog updater EVER.

The end.

Top 5 Friday - Cereals!!

2009-05-08T16:07:00.002-04:00

Once again, taking a cue from the lovely lady Lauren, I am participating in "Top 5 Friday" - this week's theme: Cereals!

When I was a child, I really loved cereal. I think it was mostly due to the fact that I loved milk. I was one of those weird kids who didn't drink soda or even juice, and opted instead for either water or milk. Skim milk, yes, but milk. Chocolate if I could swing it. (Later in life, after hitting puberty, I learned that thanks to the added growth hormone in most processed milk, little girls have been "developing" at a more rapid pace than in the past - turns out my love of milk was really my undoing... early puberty, big boobs, ugh!) Anyway, what's weird about this is that I kind of hated (and to this day, still do) soggy cereal. So although my theory is that I ate cereal because of my love for milk, I would never actually use a lot of milk - just enough to wet the cereal, but not enough to turn mushy.

For awhile, especially during late high school and college, I went through a period of absolutely hating cereal. I don't really know why this came about - whether it had something to do with the fact that my lactose intolerance was getting worse and I had to use soymilk instead, or if, going back to my theory, because I was no longer drinking regular milk (or even a fan of it, having learned what it did to me as a kid), my love of cereal had been completely diminished.

Recently, however, I have rediscovered my love for cereal. Granted, I have to avoid most cereal right now (unless it's specifically gluten-free cereal), but I still have some favorites that when tempted, I'll dive right into.

So, without further ado, my top five (in no particular order):

1. Cocoa Bumpers - All the goodness of Cocoa Puffs, but better for you (and the environment)! This cereal is still chocolaty and crunchy, but it's organic and has none of the yucky processed ingredients (like high fructose corn syrup) that it's name-brand counterpart does.

2. Annie's Cocoa & Vanilla Bunnies Cereal - Can you tell I'm a bit of a chocoholic? In my opinion, it's never too early in the morning for some yummy chocolate! Anyway, what I love about this cereal (and really, all of the "Annie's Homegrown" products) is that it's all little bunny shapes! And of course, it's organic and free from the bad stuff. Also, the combination of cocoa and vanilla flavors in this cereal adds a little extra something over other cocoa-flavored cereals.

3. Honey Nut Cheerios - These are classic. Dating back to my childhood, I would tote around a ziploc bag of this cereal almost everywhere I went. What I most love about this cereal is the fact that it's tasty with or without milk, and although a big name brand, it's still healthy and all natural.

4. New Morning Cocoa Crispy Rice - A recently discovered favorite, this gluten-free rice cereal packs a whole lot of flavor, and still manages to be organic and low in fat. I daresay it tastes even better than it's namebrand counterpart, Cocoa Crispies.

5. Erewhon Rice Twice - Another gluten-free cereal that I'm a big fan of, this cereal is organic and fat free, and doesn't upset my gluten-intolerant tummy. The best part? It actually snaps, crackles, and pops!

Hope you enjoyed Top 5 Friday! If you're feeling adventurous, totally go out and try some of the cereals on my list. You won't be sorry!

Top 5 Friday - Stolen from Lauren!

2009-04-24T17:03:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I totally swiped this post topic from Lauren over at Half Deserted Streets, but I couldn't help it! I'm a bit TV fan and an even bigger character fan, so it just made sense to do my own top 5 list on the subject of:

Top 5 TV Characters
(I'm not using the "currently on tv" thing cause frankly? I'm of the opinion that there really isn't that much good tv on anymore...)

And so! Without further ado, and in no particular order...

1. Jack Bauer (from "24") - Seriously, does this guy even NEED an explanation? It's f-ing Jack Bauer, dammit! He's quite possibly one of the biggest badasses to ever grace the tv world. He has saved the world from terrorists countless times, and although he has suffered greatly and lost much, he still pulls through to do the right thing for his friends and his country. His almost superhuman ability to dismantle bombs at the last second and take on armies of terrorists with a single gun always leaves us wanting more.

2. Starbuck A.K.A. Kara Thrace (from "Battlestar Galactica") - Once again, a total badass, but in female form! Starbuck is a loud-mouthed, disobedient, emotional viper pilot who, with her gutsy and sometimes dangerous flying maneuvers and her total disregard for authority, always manages to pull it out of the fire at the very last second and save the day. Although she rarely feels at home anywhere but on the battlefield, her complex love life and unpredictable emotions make her perhaps one of the most human characters on the show (regardless of whether or not that's what she actually is - we'll never know for sure!).

3. G'Kar (from "Babylon 5") - Although not the most obvious choice if one were to select a favorite character from this series, I can't help but love G'Kar. He makes such an incredible journey as a character from the very beginning of Season One to the series end in Season Five, that I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that. He starts out as an impulsive, angry, and selfish individual who daily lives off of the hatred he feels towards those around him. By the end, he is an almost priest-like figure, who has forsaken his previous ways and instead serves as an ambassador for peace. He often speaks words of wisdom and truth, and is trusted deeply by those closest to him.

4. Fox Mulder (from "The X-Files") - Not only did I spend a great majority of my early pre-teen and teenage years nursing a major crush on this character, I have to admit that even today, he still holds a special place in my heart. But not for the same reasons! Today I love him not because I think he's cute, but because he really is such a fantastic character - he, too, makes an incredible journey throughout the series (9 seasons worth!), so much so that his role is almost entirely reversed by the end. His unwavering desire to "just want to believe" and his willingness to go to the ends of the Earth to seek out answers to the darkest questions of his heart, makes him an all-time favorite in my book.

5. Shepherd Book (from "Firefly") - Although this series was seriously and tragically short-lived, it still shines today as one of the best and brightest offerings from the mind of Joss Whedon. Firefly gave us so many lovable, complex characters, and it's difficult to choose a favorite - but the reason I went with Book is because he is quite possibly one of the most intriguing of the bunch. We never learn very much about him - just what he lets slip out in bits and pieces of conversation - but we can easily gather that he has a much more interesting past than he lets on. His ability to easily hold his own in both close combat and large-scale battle situations hints at a definite darker side than his usual subdued, preachy pastor front.

There are so many other characters I would have loved to include on this list!! Honorable mentions include:

Gaius Baltar (from "Battlestar Galactica")
Captain Jonathan Archer (from "Star Trek: Enterprise")
Captain Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds (from "Firefly")
Jake Green (from "Jericho")
Dana Scully (from "The X-Files")

Late Night Musings on Religion

2009-04-21T23:12:00.003-04:00

On the discussion board for my online class (Magic, Witchcraft & Religion - a class I thought would be much more interesting than it has been, unfortunately), under the topic of "Religion and Culture", I believe - a student wrote: "We need a religious expression that promotes peace and tolerance" - this statement struck me as particularly interesting, because the fact of the matter is, Christianity, as Jesus taught in the Bible, is just that. It promotes peace, tolerance, and understanding - Jesus instructs us to help those who cannot help themselves, to watch over and care for the needy and the poor, to love as we would be loved, to treat others the way we would be treated, and so on.

The problem is, so many people take what the Bible teaches us completely out of context. These people take bits and pieces from the Bible and use these out of context verses as cannon fodder for political arguments, and as a means of persecution and intolerance.

I find this completely heartbreaking.

Religion (Christianity or otherwise) should never be used as a means to justify the marginalization of anyone. Religion should instead be used as a means of finding guidance and morality in a world where unfortunately, all too often than not, our baser instincts tend to win out.

Flickr

2009-04-08T09:25:00.008-04:00

After MONTHS of good intentions but poor follow-through, I have finally managed to get around to updating my Flickr account with some new photos!

A few highlights:

These two are seriously one of the cutest couples I know. We did this photo shoot back in October when they came down to visit for their "Babymoon" (a super cute idea - since they were due to have Casey sometime before the end of the year, they decided to take a fun vacation, just the two of them, before their lives changed forever :D).

I loved photographing them, it was so much fun! Jessie had initially approached me with the idea of doing some "baby bump" pictures, and I'm so glad she did. They're such a lovely couple, and when he gets older, Casey will have these pictures to look back on. He'll be able to see all the love his parents had for him before he ever even stepped one foot into this world.

New blog! (sort of!)

2009-04-06T14:45:00.002-04:00

For over a year now, I have been running this Book of the Month Club with Lauren - it started out, really, because of Twilight, but it quickly became something else. We really loved the idea of having a book club, since we love books so much and love reading (yes I know, we're dorks), and the concept of sharing that love of reading with all of our friends was very appealing. Why not create a club that would actually give us a valid excuse to buy books, and get together at the Borders cafe or wherever to discuss said books?

Our original system involved having a new book every month, and we would take turns choosing the books - Lauren would select the new March book, and then I would select April, and then Paola would select May, and so on.

This system worked out decently enough initially (probably because we were all reading Twilight anyway, and since it's a four-book-series, we had our monthly selections picked out for a good quarter of the year already! ;p), but once the Twilight craze began to subside, we found that we were running into some trouble.

The books that were chosen ended up being terribly random, since no one but whoever's month it was got any say in what the next book would be, and we really ran the gamut from classics that we all read in high school anyway (Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights) to more Stephanie Meyer work (The Host) to books that few of us actually read (Eye of the Needle, Life of Pi) to the occasional diamond in the rough (Water for Elephants).

Recently, after taking an online "book club" survey, Lauren and I became inspired to revamp the club - breathe new life into it and really start to take things seriously. Because really, what's the point of having a book club unless you do it right, anyway?

Which brings me to our newest development:

We now have a blog!

Lauren created it with her immense Blogmaster skills, and we plan to use it as a means of better communicating with our club members, and selecting better books.

You can read the most recent posts if you want to find out more information about how we are going to work from here on out, and if you're interested in joining, we would love to have you!

Earth Hour: Reactions

2009-03-30T14:16:00.004-04:00

This past Saturday, Kevin and I participated in a global event called "Earth Hour". For the uninitiated, the folks behind Earth Hour list this statement on their website:

"(Earth Hour) is a global call to action for every individual, every business, and every community. A call to stand up and take control over the future of our planet."

I, personally, see no problem with making a statement (a global one at that) whereby through a worldwide effort, awareness about climate change and the many other environmental problems that loom ahead of us is created.

Climate change is real. Deforestation is real. Our daily consumer-driven lives are taking a pretty steep toll on the world around us. The list goes on and on and on...

In any case, it's clear that as a species, we need to take a step back and re-evaluate our role on this planet. Human beings are, undoubtedly, the cause of a majority of the environmental issues that face us today, and if our behaviour continues unchecked as it has in the past, the world of our children's children may very well be unrecognizable from the world we know today.

Call me a tree-hugging hippie, call me a cock-eyed optimist, call me a dreamer, call me whatever you want. I will never let the negativity of the majority of people around me get me down. I will continue changing all of my old tungsten light bulbs to a more eco-friendly variety, and turning off lights when I leave the room, and making eco-conscious, informed buying decisions about the cleaning products I use, and where my food comes from. I will continue recycling my water bottles and buying recycled paper products. I will continue using my Publix "green bags" in leu of plastic grocery bags. and I will never stop caring about what effects every one of my daily choices have on this planet we call home.

And now, for some differing points of view.

On Saturday night, I posted the following Facebook status in regards to my Earth Hour activities:

Colure Caulfield is going to eat dinner by candlelight tonight during Earth Hour with her husband :)

Simple enough, yes? Offensive? Not at all. One may even call it romantic.

The following is the response I received from the facebook internet world:

Davin Pavlas at 6:15pm March 28 EARTH HOUR IS DUMB AND YOU'RE DUMB

Christopher McCollum at 6:45pm March 28 Wtf? Why are you using candles when you have electricity available? Is it a date? :P

Megan Young Kaczmarek at 8:15pm March 28 We're trying to get the little man off to bed in time to get all the lights off.

Colure Caulfield at 9:41pm March 28 via Facebook Mobile Davin, YOU'RE dumb ;p You and your German anti-environmental ethics ;p heh. C - we used candles so as to NOT use electricity, thus the entire point of Earth Hour. One hour without using power! Megan - how'd that work out for you guys? Keviin and I agreed that it's no wonder people in the old days went to bed early! It's kinda hard to stay awake when it's dark!

Christopher McCollum at 10:07pm March 28 Did you turn off the main breaker in your fuse box? :P

Brian Potter at 10:49pm March 28 Earth hour is kind of like writing a ten dollar check to UNICEF right before you go spend 2000 dollars on a plasma TV...You know, just sayin'...

Jessie Floyd Fulks at 11:03pm March 28 It was actually a great excuse to spend a distraction-free amount of time with family. Chris actually wants to do it once a week now!

Colure Caulfield at 11:38pm March 28 via Facebook Mobile C- that we did not do, but all lights were off at least, as was the tv and such. Potter- ummm no, not really... ;p Jessie- it absolutely was! I totally agree :) That's a great idea!! We just might do that as well :)

The (mostly) negative response continued with another facebook status update of mine, later on in the evening:

Colure Caulfield had a lovely candlelit dinner with her husband and doesn't care if people think she's a tree-hugging hippie for observing Earth Hour ;p

Seems that my statement of not caring what others thought was simply fuel to the fire...

Jessie Floyd Fulks at 11:02pm March 28 Good for you, and yay for being tree-hugging hippies!

Davin Pavlas at 11:25pm March 28 No it's more like a superficial hippie OH BURN.

Colure Caulfield at 11:36pm March 28 via Facebook Mobile Thanks, Jessie! :) And Davin, it's actually not superficial at all! I got to spend a lovely interruption and distraction-free dinner with my husband, all while participating in a GLOBAL event in support of climate change awareness! :)

Davin Pavlas at 12:04am March 29 Building awareness is the lazy person's version of making a difference.

Colure Caulfield at 12:35am March 29 via Facebook Mobile Actually building awareness is the BEGINNING of making a difference.

Christopher McCollum at 3:54am March 29 Hate hippies.

Colure Caulfield at 10:19am March 29 via Facebook Mobile I was born and raised a hippie - it's in my blood!

Christopher McCollum at 12:23pm March 29 Ewwww. take a shower and shave your arm pits. And also, stop taking your dog into restaurants and bars, and then acting like you're not committing a major health violation!

Colure Caulfield at 12:29pm March 29 via Facebook Mobile I'll have you know I shower and shave on a very regular basis! And I don't bring Strider out into the public because he would certainly lickinate everyone to death!

Christopher McCollum at 12:42pm March 29 Hmm... I'm getting pretty good at this level of hate. I just listed four argument-proof reasons why I hate hippies, in two concise sentences. :P

Frank Blanco at 3:47pm March 29 hippie!

Colure Caulfield at 9:07am March 30 Yes yes yes I know, can't help it ;)

So while I did receive some positive response, there certainly is a lot of bile out there in regards to anyone attempting to "make a difference". I can't even tell you the number of facebook status updates and tweets via Twitter I saw from people proudly asserting that they would "turn on every single light in the house so as to counteract all of the Earth Hour activities out there" - I mean, seriously? Is your life really that sad and pathetic that you have to act out against people who are merely trying to do something positive in this world??

Today I noticed that a friend of mine on facebook wrote this note about his feelings towards Earth Hour. And while he makes some decent arguments (specifically, that there is no easy solution to the problems we face in our world today, and that for real change to occur, people are going to have to be willing to make some pretty major sacrifices in their day to day lives) I find that I am saddened by how quickly and easily people are willing to jump to the conclusion that they may as well shrug off the problems of the world that surround them because they don't think that even the smallest changes make a difference. They are too jaded and overwhelmed by the problems that face us, and so they say things like "So what?" and "I can't" and "Not me".

And you know my response to that note? Shouldn't come as too much of a surprise, considering my track record of responding to negativity with a positive, hopeful answer...

Colure Caulfield at 2:13pm March 30

While you make some good points, I think you ultimately may have missed the point of Earth Hour. At least as far as I can tell, Earth Hour wasn't actually created with the purpose of making an immediate, tangible difference with the environmental issues we face. The point of Earth Hour was to create *awareness* of the environmental issues that we face. To make a big enough statement to the government and to the rest of the world that people are *finally* taking global warming and a slew of other ecological problems ahead of us seriously, and that it is time to do something about it. Time to invest time, money, and resources to the research and development of alternative energy, time to re-evaluate not just fuel emissions standards but also our own living standards in general - where our food comes from, how it is grown, where our waste goes and what the long-term effects are that it has on our environment. Yes, it won't fix EVERYTHING wrong in the world. But it's a start.

And that's my point, in all of this. That's the reason I participate in events like "Earth Hour" and the reason why I try to do little things in my daily life that, while at first may seem insignificant, could eventually lead to greater change.

While we certainly can't expect to fix everything wrong with this world of ours, we can begin by taking baby steps in the right direction. Change has to start somewhere. Would it be so terrible if it started with us??

Baby Fever.

2009-03-13T13:54:00.003-04:00

This is so hilarious!! It totally made my day. From Kristin:

Kristin: awww!!!!! hahahahaha i want you to have a baby right now so bad too!!!

me: i know!!!!! you'd be such a great aunt!

Kristin: please stoop taking birth control

me: LMAO HAHAHA

Kristin: just dont tell kevin... say it was an 'accident'. okay heres my reasoning...

me: lol!!!

Kristin: he promised you a baby in 2010 right? well... if you start workin on one now.. it wont be born till 2010! it works out PERFECT

me: LOL that IS perfect! i love your reasoning

Kristin: well i have to go!

me: alright my dear laters!

Kristin: but dont take any meds.!

I love my sister (in law) <3>

Interviewed.

2009-03-11T16:10:00.003-04:00

I was recently contacted by a graduate student completing a course in ethnographic research who, in doing some exploration on the motivations for choosing vegetarianism, stumbled upon my blog.

Specifically, she read this post about how I actually became an ex-vegetarian. She sent me an email asking if I would be interested in participating in her study, and completing an interview about my motivations for becoming a vegetarian and later, my motivations for going back to eating meat.

Today, she contacted me and we conducted the interview via gmail chat. Because I thought it was interesting that because of this blog (and really, my entire reason for starting this blog in the first place), I was able to help a student complete their research, I'm posting the interview here!

sdmccray: Okay, first, what is your age, gender, and length of time that you were a vegetarian?

me: 23, female, vegetarian for 9 years

sdmccray: Tell me about a situation that motivated you to become a vegetarian.

me: i was in life management class my freshman year of high school and my teacher put on a video about slaughterhouses. the video was very graphic. sitting at the dinner table that night, after my parents served up the pork chops, i found myself entirely unable to eat my meat

i just kept looking at it and thinking of the video. that was the beginning.

sdmccray: On a scale of one to five, would you say that seeing the video had an extremely high impact (5); high impact (4); somewhat of an impact (3); very little impact (2) or no impact (1).
me: definitely 5, very high impact.

sdmccray: Tell me about a subject that made you think about becoming a vegetarian.
me: a subject?

sdmccray: Right, was there any subject that also influenced your motivation in addition to seeing the video?
me: i'm sorry, but like, what do you mean by subject? like a school subject? or a person?
sdmccray: A subject like health, the environment, religion, and so forth.
me: gotcha. definitely health, for sure. that was another major motivating factor. the environment was a minor influence. religion not so much

sdmccray: Okay, tell me if there was a situation where you encountered disapproval or animosity from family or friends because you were motivated to become a vegetarian.
me: well my family wasn't very supportive at first, being a very meat and potatoes - type of of family. my friends all thought it was pretty cool though.

sdmccray: Using the earlier scale, would you say the feelings of your family and friends had extremely high impact (5), high impact (4), somewhat of an impact (3), very little impact (2) or no impact (1).

me: eh, i'd say probably either 2 or 1, little to no impact.

sdmccray: Okay. Tell me how long it took for you to become a vegetarian, from the moment tht you started thinking about it, until the time that you actually became one, until the time that you no longer wanted to be one.

me: um, it was actually pretty much immediate. once i decided to be a vegetarian, i completely stopped eating meat. so probably a matter of seconds, really.
sdmccray: Did you ever reconsider becoming a vegetarian before you became one?

me: no, not really. my parents put up a bit of a fight but i wouldn't budge on the matter. i'm the kind of person that once i set my mind to something, i pretty much go with it, no holds barred

sdmccray: Can you elaborate a bit about why they put up a fight?

me: because they were worried about me getting enough protein and staying healthy and everything, plus it would be quite inconvenient for them, since they ate meat
sdmccray: Using the rating scale above, how much impact did it have on your motivation to become a vegetarian?
me: their disapproval?
sdmccray: Right
me: if anything it motivate me further, but really, ultimately, their approval or disapproval had no real effect on my decision. so again, probably a 1 or 2
sdmccray: Would you say closer to a 1 or a 2?
me: umm probably a 2
sdmccray: Tell me about any other issues that motivated you to remain a vegetarian before you decided to leave vegetarianism?
me: after i'd been a vegetarian for awhile i was concerned about what might happen if i tried eating meat again. i had heard horror stories about people trying a bite of meat and getting violently ill afterward, so that was a bit of a deterrent

sdmccray: How much did the thought of trying to eat meat again keep you motivated to remain a vegetarian? Kept me Extremely Motivated (5); Kept me Very Motivated (4), Kept me Somewhat Motivated (3), Kept me Less Motivated (2), Did not keep me motivated (1)

sdmccray: Are you there?
me: yes sorry, having to multitask a bit. umm i'd say the thought of eating meat again was a pretty big motivator, so a 4
sdmccray: Tell me about your experiences with other vegetarians, while you were a vegetarian (either online or face-to-face, doesn't matter).
me: i had a few friends who were also vegetarians, and my (now husband, then boyfriend) was also a vegetarian
sdmccray: Tell me about situations where you were welcomed by other vegetarians whose motivations for becoming a vegetarian were the same as yours.
me: nothing specific, just close friends of mine who went veggie for similar reasons. nothing outrageous, just them thinking it was cool that i went veggie too
sdmccray: Did having friends who supported your decision keep you extremely motivated (5); Very Motivated (4); Somewhat Motivated (3), Less Motivated (2), or Not Motivated (1)
me: it kept me somewhat motivated, so a 3 i guess

sdmccray: Great (almost done, BTW . Tell me about a situation where you encountered animosity or disapproval from vegetarians whose motivations were different than yours

me: ummm, i don't think i ever really encountered any animosity from other vegetarians. i've met some vegetarians or vegans that are pretty hardcore about it, but usually i'm able to figure them out ahead of time and avoid any confrontation. like i knew a guy in film school who had been a vegetarian his whole life, and i knew a couple who were hardcore vegans. i just never brought up anything that would cause a tiff among them. and actually, any vegetarians/vegans i have met are generally pretty respectful of one another, regardless of reasons for going veggie. i've never had a problem with it, really
sdmccray: Tell me what tips you off that they are hardcore. And how would you define 'hardcore'?

me: umm well by hardcore i mean they were like, really super into being vegan and would avoid ANYTHING made from animals. not just food. like, they'd buy vegan clothes, shoes, etc too/ usually i wasn't tipped off to them so much as just finding out in casual conversation
sdmccray: What would they say that would give you the impression that they were hardcore? (was it something they said or their attitude about it)?
me: ummm usually it was just their attitude about being vegans or vegeatarians. like, how whenever it would come up or be challenged, they could get pretty defensive

sdmccray: In terms of your motivation to remain vegetarian at the time, how much did meeting hardcore vegans and vegetarians affect you? Were you extremely affected (5); very affected (4); somewhat affected (3); less affected (2); or not affected (1)
me: ummm i'd say i was somewhat affected, 3
sdmccray: Tell me about a situation where you doubted your motivation to remain a vegetarian after you became one.
me: ummmmmmmmm, every now and then i would have my doubts when i'd be at a restaurant or over at a friends' or family members' house and would have to inconvenience other people due to my special dietary needs. i always felt bad when people would have to make special dishes for just me or when we wouldn't be able to go to certain places to eat because of a lack of vegetarian options

sdmccray: How much did these doubts affect your motivation to remain vegetarian? Were you extremely affected (5), very affected (4), somewhat affected (3), less affected (2), or not affected (1)
me: as in, positively or negatively affected my motivation?
sdmccray: Right
me: i'd say only somewhat affected it, 3
sdmccray: Tell me when you stopped being a vegetarian. Did you ever go back before you stopped completely?
me: ummmmm no, once again, once i make a decision i pretty much don't go back on it. once i decided to eat meat, i didn't suddenly decide to go back to being a vegetarian. at that point, i really couldn't. i mean, i could have, but i'd taken a lot of time and effort to consider the decision before actually going ahead and doing it. so no, i didn't go back to being a vegetarian once i decided to stop.
sdmccray: Tell me what you thought about when making your decision.
me: i thought about a lot of factors. i thought about my overall health, and how i'd been getting sick a lot for the last few years. i thought about how i want to start a family soon, and i'll need to be at my healthiest for that and how i don't want to raise my children vegetarians, which would make my staying one very difficult. i thought about how it's difficult to get healthy vegetarian options when eating out. lots of factors, really
sdmccray: Was your husband still a vegetarian at the time you made your decision?
me: no, he hadn't been a vegetarian for awhile.

sdmccray: How much did his decision influence yours? Extremely High Influence (5); High influence (4); somewhat of an influence (3); very little influence (2); no influence (1)
me: his decision really had very little influence on me, so 2

sdmccray: Okay, last question: I want you to think about before you became a vegetarian, and after you stopped being a vegetarian. How much did health, morality, religion, economy, aesthetics (how meat looked), and environment influence your motivation, either positively or negatively. Please grade each area using the following scale: Made me Extremely Motivated (5); Made me Motivated (4); Made Me Somewhat Motivated (3); Made Me a Little Motivated (2); Did not Motivate me at all (1)

Grade Before then After.
me: hmm alright..
sdmccray: Let me know if it sounds confusing, and I'll try to be clearer!
me: it is a bit. ok
sdmccray: Lets do before, first
me: so you mean how those factors first influenced my becoming a vegetarian? and then later influenced me going back to meat?
sdmccray: Right, you got it!
me: alright...

me: so, i think this is close, anyway... before: health 5, morality 5, religion 1, economy 1, aesthetics 3, environment 4. after: health 5, morality 3, religion 3, economy 2, aesthetics 1, environment 3

sdmccray: Perfect! Thank you SO SO much for taking the time to complete the interview! Do you have any questions for me?
me: not a problem!! nope, don't think so!
sdmccray: Okay, well thanks again, and enjoy the rest of your day!
me: you too! thanks

That's it! Sorry it was so long. I don't think I realized quite how long it was until posting it here. In any case, it was fun and interesting, and it was nice to have been able to help someone else out due to this little blog's existence.

Funny - this is the second time my blog has been stumbled upon by someone looking into ex-vegetarianism. The first time, a few months ago, a woman contacted me because she had been a vegetarian for like, 20 years of her life or something, and was considering going back to eating meat. She had read all of my blog entries about becoming an ex-vegetarian, so she emailed me and I was able to talk to her and give her my perspective on things, and ultimately really help her out. She's been able to ease her way back into a meat-eating lifestyle, and it's just really cool that I could help with that.

Maybe this whole blogging thing isn't so pointless after all... :)

Inspired

2009-02-25T09:37:00.003-05:00

I recently stumbled across this blog (and subsequently, this facebook page and website) and have decided that it's something I'd really like to try.

For awhile now I've been making the effort to buy only fresh, whole ingredients, organic when possible - heavily utilizing the Greenwise section in Publix and recently, buying the bulk of my groceries at the local Whole Foods. Throughout my life, I have always considered myself somewhat of an environmentalist - definitely a tree-hugger - but I don't know if I've ever really "walked the walk", so to speak. I'm starting to get better about it - I've gotten really good at remembering to only use my "green bags" when I buy groceries, opting to avoid plastic bags as much as possible, and I generally purchase only eco-friendly cleaning products. I've replaced most of the light bulbs in my house and office with these instead, and I'm very particular about where I buy my gas from. Ultimately, however, in a world that is threatened more and more every day by global warming and climate change, I'd like to be even better about lessening my environmental impact.

I have always been rather particular about where I buy my fruits and vegetables from, trying to buy organic when available so as to avoid ingesting harmful pesticides and to support organic farming in general. This effort has increased seven-fold ever since my transition into eating meat again, as one of my major stipulations in this new meat-eating thing is that any meat I buy will be, when possible, free-range, organic-fed, hormone-free and so forth. This is mostly due to the fact that one of my biggest reasons for going veggie in the first place was the mistreatment of animals in slaughterhouses. Buying organic ensures that the chicken and turkey I consume comes from free-range farms where they are fed quality organic diets and allowed to live full lives, rather than being confined in tiny, dirty quarters and being plumped up on hormone-injected grain diets just so they can be slaughtered sooner.

With the economy being as poor as it is, I also like the idea of eating organic and sustainably to support local famers and the community - with our nation's extreme industrialization of agriculture, not only are workers being given the shaft and being forced to live on minimal wages, but food safety is being tossed by the wayside. Quantity over quality is favored, and as a result, our nation has seen an increase in tainted and contaminated foods - from salmonella to e. coli to Heaven only knows what else. Eating organically ensures that the food I am buying has been produced at ethically-operated, fair-trade farms using organic growing methods. My fruits and vegetables haven't been soaked in dangerous pesticides and the workers who picked them weren't being forced to suffer under near slave-labor conditions.

This article really opened my eyes to the truth of the situation at hand in our nation. If something as awful as this can be going on in my very own backyard, chances are there could be likely hundreds if not thousands of other places throughout this country where this is a growing problem. I cannot, in good conscience, support an industry that allows such terrible human rights violations to exist and flourish as a means of operating.

Therefore, I have decided to take the following list of rules and try to apply them to my daily living as much as possible. Obviously, I will be somewhat limited by my geographic location and the availability of resources (the woman I am borrowing this list from lives in Seattle, WA - home of the nation's largest farmers market) which is why I have removed most of the "local" requirements (even though I will try to buy local when possible), but the end-goal is to simply live as sustainably and environmentally-responsible as possible.

1. Finish eating what we already have in the cupboards, refrigerator, pantry, etc.
2. Newly purchased foods must meet, when possible, the organic, sustainably farmed criteria.
3. Meat must be free-range and pastured, grass-fed, and humanely treated.
4. Fish must be wild and caught in a sustainable manner.
5. Eggs must be cage-free, with an organic diet.
6. Poultry must be free-range and pastured, humanely treated and fed an organic diet.
7. Milk and cream must come from organic dairy farms.
8. Honey must be organic and come locally when possible.
9. Fruits, vegetables, legumes and grains must be organic, from sustainable farms.
10. Cheese must be from organic farms, made from organic milk.
11. Coffee, tea, chocolate and sugar must be fair-trade, and organic when possible.
12. Cleaning products must be environmentally-friendly.
13. Avoid any and all products that have been highly-processed, and contain high-fructose corn syrup (or any derivative thereof) or any of these ingredients.

Obviously, exceptions will have to be made to this list from time to time, and as I have no control over where things come from when I go over to friends or family's houses or go out to dinner, I won't worry about those situations. The idea is for me, personally, and Kevin (since I cook for him) to live as sustainably as possible within the confines of reality (i.e. budget, geographic location and resource availability).

I think it's a great goal, and I'm excited to meet the challenge of living a life that is environmentally and ethically responsible. The prospect of bringing children into this world is quickly approaching, and I want to be able to raise them to respect the world around them - and even more importantly, I want them (and their children and their children's children) to still have a world to respect and enjoy in the future.

Anthropolification Boyer Cream Cardi GIVEAWAY!!!! GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-02-25T09:35:00.000-05:00

I want this:

Anthropolification Boyer Cream Cardi GIVEAWAY!!!! GIVEAWAY!!!!

Why is it that I can't sew like that?? Seriously. I've got my machine... I've got tons of fabric lying around and all of the materials with which to do it... ::Sigh:: Maybe some day!

"3 Willows: The Sisterhood Grows"

2009-02-18T16:32:00.005-05:00

I recently finished reading "3 Willows: The Sisterhood Grows" by Ann Brashares for the Book of the Month Club my friend Lauren and I created last year.

Having been a huge fan of Brashares' previous work (with one exception), I was excited to see that she had a new young adult novel out on the shelves that actually takes place in the same universe as the "Sisterhood" series. A consummate fan of young adult literature to begin with, I of course ran out to Borders the week it came out to obtain my own copy.

The premise of "3 Willows" is simple. It is about a group of thirteen-year-old girls, who, having been best friends since childhood, have recently begun to grow apart. New friends have entered the picture - friends from different groups and cliques in school - some cool kids, some smart kids, and in the typical fashion of middle school politics, all completely separate from one another. Polly, Jo, and Ama are not the same girls that they were when they first met - they are no longer the innocent, care-free little girls who planted willow trees in a nearby glen and vowed to be best friends forever. Their lives have taken them each in wildly different directions, and this summer - their last before high school begins - will teach them what it truly means to grow.

Upon flipping through even the very first few pages of the book, one can already feel comfortably at home in this familiar world that Brashares so carefully crafted in the previous "Sisterhood" novels. Her writing style is simple and relatable, her characters easily approachable, and while at times one must remind oneself that the protagonists are in fact only thirteen, the girls themselves are a true, honest picture of those turbulent, confusing early teenage years. Stuck in that gray area between middle school and high school, they three are in a sort of limbo, and this is the summer that will either make them or break them.

Jo is your typical pretty girl - thin, blond, in with the popular crowd, and desperate to advance her status amongst the cooler, older high school kids. Her summer takes her to the beach - to a new job working as a bus girl at a local diner, to an empty beach house, and to the excitement of first kisses and late-night make-outs on the sand.

Ama is the smart one - the library and a tall stack of books are her usual companions, and she aspires to please her parents and follow in the Ivy League footsteps of her older sister. Her original plans of spending the summer tucked away in the corner of a study hall are quickly dashed when she discovers that instead, she will be attending a "Wild Adventures" summer camp program - complete with camping, hiking, bugs, and worst of all, rock climbing.

Polly reminds me a lot of myself at thirteen. Small, with big boobs and dark hair, quiet and self-conscious, and unerringly loyal to friends that would much rather move on with their lives and leave her behind. She discovers that her grandmother - whom she has never known - was a beautiful, famous model, and that she bears a striking resemblance to her. Polly decides to pursue a life of modeling and all that comes with it - restricted caloric intake, severe weight loss, makeup and modeling camp.

Without giving too much away, I will say that all three girls go through some major changes over the summer. One girl discovers that what matters most to her is her family, and friends that will stay by her side through all things. Another girl discovers her own inner strength and ability to overcome any obstacle she sets her mind to. And yet another girl discovers that in order to truly find yourself, sometimes you have to lose yourself first.

I have only two complaints about the entire book. The first is that I wish the three stories had been a little more even - I felt like both Ama and Jo's stories got a lot of "screen time", whereas Polly's story seemed to take a back seat to the other two at times. I found myself reading about Jo and Ama back and forth for quite some time, and wondering what was going on with Polly in the midst of everything. Of course, I could be slightly biased due to the fact that I was very interested in what was going on with Polly specifically, but even still - her story wasn't quite as fleshed out as it could have been, especially when compared with the other two.

My second, and last complaint, once again has to do with Polly's story. Over the course of the summer, she develops what appears to be - and most likely was, in a very real sense - an eating disorder. She loses something like 15 pounds by starving herself, and develops a completely unhealthy obsession with weight loss and poor body image. Anyway, my point being, at the end of the summer, this problem of hers just disappears in the span of a few minutes. She suddenly "decides" that she will never be model-skinny, and so she goes back to eating whatever she wants whenever she wants.

I find this very hard to believe, having suffered from an eating disorder at the very same age. Even though some may argue that Polly was only trying to lose weight for modeling camp, and once her obsession with modeling dissipated, so did her interest in weight loss, the unfortunate thing is, that's not how it really works. There were underlying issues to why Polly began down the path she did - which are certainly addressed a bit towards the end of the book - and eating disorders aren't something you can just have for a little while and then recover from immediately. They take years of either counseling or personal struggle to overcome - and the sad truth is, most people never really recover from them. Women in their twenties, thirties, and sometimes even forties, who may have suffered from an eating disorder in their teens, oftentimes suffer relapses throughout their lives, and are in a near-constant state of struggle with their relationship to food and their bodies. This is most especially true if the woman never went through any professional counseling or received any help to overcome her disorder.

It will be interesting to see where all of this goes if Brashares does in fact end up writing more "3 Willows" books. I, personally, would absolutely love to see this become another series like "Sisterhood" - I really enjoyed reading about these characters and their lives, and I am quite interested to see what adventures, excitement, heartbreaks and life experiences await them over the next four years in high school.

"3 Willows" is definitely a book I would recommend to anyone who enjoys reading young adult fiction, who enjoyed the "Sisterhood" series, or really, anyone who was ever a thirteen-year-old girl and experienced what it meant to spend a summer growing into the person you would later become.

The Conservatory Overcoat GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-02-17T09:41:00.000-05:00

The Conservatory Overcoat GIVEAWAY!!!!

Check out these photos from grosgrain - they're truly fabulous! Also, I really want her red overcoat. Like whoa.

Now, if only I could get Kevin to go out on cute, romantic photo shoots with me... hmmm...

Caved.

2009-02-11T12:16:00.002-05:00

Yup, I caved alright.

After months of resisting, I finally gave in to the Twitter trend.

It started with Kevin. He was the first. He created his own twitter account so that he could follow a friend of his who just moved to Puerto Rico. And then a certain BFF created her own twitter. And it was all downhill from there.

So here it is.

I changed the layout design to something original - which I like much better - and after a few days of using it, I'm starting to figure it out. At first I had a hard time understanding the point of the thing, but now that I have an application for my Blackberry called "Twitterberry" and a bar for my Firefox browser called "Twitterfox" - both of which make updating my twitter very easy, I might add - I'm starting to have some fun with it.

And in actuality, having my own twitter makes a lot of sense for someone like me. I have a difficult time keeping up with a real blog (as you can tell by my most "recent" post - made on Inauguration Day), so having a sort of "micro" blog in the form of twitter might be more logical, at least if I want to have any hope of keeping up any kind of online identity in the long-term.

So, we'll see how this goes! So far, so good.

A new era

2009-01-20T18:15:00.003-05:00

After 8 long years of being embarrassed and apathetic about being an American, I can truly say that I am finally - after today - once again proud to be part of this country.

Back in October, Kevin and I made the trek down to Kissimmee after work to attend a rally that we hoped would one day prove to have been a moment of history in the making. We stood amongst tens of thousands of supporters in a large grassy baseball field on a very unseasonably cold night to see and hear our Democratic Presidential candidate (and with him, former President Bill Clinton) call to all people everywhere for real Change - change we could believe in. It seemed quite the long shot - this young, some would claim "inexperienced", Senator from Illinois, born to a white mother and an African father, with of all things a middle name of "Hussein", touting a message of hope and change in a world that had long grown tired and jaded from years of dashed hopes and dreams.

And then came November. I participated in an historic election, and I, along with more voters than have ever before come out to have their voice be heard, cast my vote. And my vote counted. And he won.

Today, I watched as history books everywhere were rewritten - Barack Hussein Obama, our 44th President - was sworn in as the entire world watched. He was dignified but down to earth, relaxed but at the same time seemed filled with a bubbling excitement. He came across as eloquent and relatable, and his words that called for a country to take personal responsbility for its future struck true and stirred long-lost feelings of Patriotism within the hearts of many - my own included.

I am proud that I was able to bear witness to such an exciting, memorable and important historic event - and that some day soon in the future, while my children are doing their history homework on the kitchen table, I will be able to pull up a chair beside them and share with them how their mother and father were there - saw it happen, bore witness to history in the making, and in their own very small way, helped shape the change that was to come.

New Years (Non)Resolutions

2009-01-13T15:28:00.005-05:00

It's that time again - the time when people from all across the globe vow that this year, they will do better. This year, they will change. This year, they will succeed. Whatever the case, such lofty aspirations all land squarely on the shoulders of the coming year's "New Years Resolutions".

It has been my experience that such resolutions rarely if ever come to fruition. I, myself, have in the past made such resolutions - making a long list of seemingly unattainable goals like "1. Lose 10 pounds by summer" and "4. Eat healthier" and "9. Save money"" and so on.

The main problem? I pretty much never make it through the list. Heck, chances are I never made it past "1. Lose 10 pounds by summer". Actually, I can almost assuredly say that I definitely didn't.

Like many other millions of people struggling to obtain the unreachable, I eventually give up my resolutions (I typically wait until at least March before completely throwing in the towel), deciding that "Maybe next year..." I would be better suited for such commitment.

Therefore, this year, I have decided there will be no resolutions. No long list of unachievables, no lingering feelings of guilt as the months wear on, no sighing and complaining or stressing and whining about falling behind or falling short.

Instead, I have decided to simply take each day as it comes - I will admit to having a "To Do" list (as anyone who knows me will tell you I almost always have, regardless of the time of year) that I will be referencing from time to time, crossing things off as they are accomplished and adding to the bottom as new things arise - but mainly, I have decided to just be content with life as it happens.

To see every day as a gift, regardless of how many pounds I've lost or how much money is in my bank account. And who knows? I might even end up finally accomplishing some of those old "resolutions" from years past without even knowing it.

2008 Year in Review

2009-01-06T09:17:00.007-05:00

I know it's been awhile since my last posting, but what with the holidays (Christmas, New Year's, Kristin's 16th birthday) things have been a bit busy. But here's to fresh starts! And hopefully more consistent blogging.

January
- Helped a best friend mend a broken heart
- Discovered the awesomeness of cheap haircuts at the Paul Mitchell School
- Did a fun, girly photoshoot
- Started taking classes at UCF

February
- Conquered Epcot
- Donated blood for the first time since high school
- Began a love affair with a certain book series

March
- Founded The Book of the Month Club with Lauren
- Went hair-cut crazy
- Fired from my job as a graphic designer at Stirling Sotheby's (fired for being sick too much)
- Hired as a Swim Instructor/Swim Team Coach at the Country Club of Orlando
- Survived the Red Cross certification course for Lifeguarding/Professional Rescuer/CPR

April
- Survived the Red Cross certification course for Water Safety Instruction
- Taught little kids how to swim every day
- Got a really awesome tan (but with the side effect of really non-awesome tan lines)
- My eternal puppy Strider turned 3 years old

May
- Celebrated Kevin's graduation from college
- The puppies came home and became part of the family

June
- Became a Nielsen household
- Coached the "C.C.O. Otters" Swim Team at the Country Club
- Began working at the RDV Sportsplex as a WSI (totally did it for the free membership)

July
- Celebrated 1 full, amazing year of wedded bliss
- My wonderful husband Kevin turned 24
- I turned 23 years old and spent the day at the beach
- Got into a car accident (unexpected expenses suck)
- Went on a mini vacation down to Ft. Lauderdale Beach

August
- Pretty much stopped working at the Country Club because of lack of swim lesson clients
- Barely worked at RDV anymore because of similar issues
- Went to Seattle, WA and completely fell in love, attended the Penny Arcade Expo and met Wesley Crusher

September
- Began the month wishing I could move to the Pacific Northwest
- Was once again pretty much jobless (yet never quit or got fired from either job I had!)
- Spent all month job hunting and conserving money as much as possible

October
- Started a new job as a Production Manager with Juris Imaging & Graphics (hooray for family friend connections!)
- Drove to Georgia for a wedding and remembered how much I hate Georgia
- Went to Epcot with Jessie and Chris as part of their "Babymoon" in Orlando
- Completely commandeered a monorail
- Discovered the Disney hotel rooms are way more exciting than partying at Pleasure Island
- Went to Animal Kingdom with Josh and Lei
- Started eating meat again after 9 years of vegetarianism
- Consequently started this blog!
- Celebrated Halloween by dressing the puppy up as Yoda

November
- Spent the day celebrating a certain 25-year-old's birthday at a playground
- Welcomed the birth of a most adorable little baby
- Saw a certain much-anticipated movie with everyone else
- Voted in perhaps the most historic election in recent history, and made change happen!
- Enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday
- Went Black Friday shopping again (except during the day this year)
- Started a Flickr account (finally)

December
- Threw a fun pot-luck Christmas party, complete with all the girls
- Made a ridiculously adorable gingerbread house (that was promptly eaten)
- Celebrated the Christmas holidays with family
- A favorite sister turned 16
- Rang in the New Year with lots of leg-wrestling

I think that's about it? I'm sure I'm probably forgetting a lot of stuff, but a year is a very long time! It's hard to remember everything that's happened. January of '08 feels like so long ago, but at the same time, I can't believe a year has passed already. It's funny the way time works, isn't it?

Blogging

2008-12-23T10:24:00.004-05:00

I'm really bad at keeping up with blogs. You may have noticed this. I'm lucky if I get in one post a week, let alone anything on a near-daily schedule. I didn't always have this problem, either - it seems to be a relatively recent development.

Back in the day, I had a LiveJournal. In fact, it can still be found - should you have the desire to be entirely saturated with whining, inconsequential surveys and quizzes, and loads of meaningless updating - under the username "elf_chic_arwen". I mainly used the thing as a means of killing time while in the dorm room freshman year (if you pull up the archive and go back to stuff from the year 2004 you'll discover multiple posts from the same day) or venting about relationship/family/school/etc problems. Kevin refers to it as my "whinejournal" and although I hate to admit to it, he's rather on the mark with that one.

Even further back in the day, I had a different livejournal account - much to my chagrin, my friend Joe managed to dig it up a few years back and present me with it. Serving as a harsh reminder of just how terrible and whiny and angsty I was as a teenager, I revisit it every few years as I grow older (especially now that my sister Kristin is turning 16!) just to make sure I don't forget what it was like to be a teenager (isn't it weird how as you grow older, those things tend to slip away?). If you're in the mood for some schadenfreude, here it is.

I also had a Xanga. Do you remember Xanga? It was sort of like the redheaded stepchild of blogging. No one really used it. It was the "alternative" thing to do - the site to use when you wanted to go against the grain because everyone and their mother seemed to have a livejournal. Unfortunately, I have tried searching for my old Xanga account to no avail. I know I had it, and I used it occasionally, but it seems to have been lost to the ages. And you know what? That's probably for the best.

Anyway, I think the main reason I struggle so much with writing in a real blog (as in, a blog that isn't just "hey, this uninteresting event happened in my life today and let me complain about it a bit") is because I don't feel like I have a great deal to talk about. I'm sure once Kevin and I start a family in the next few years and I have my first child and all, I will be overrun with ideas for topics to blog about, but at this particular point in time, life is pretty much normal. And no one really wants to read about normalcy.

Don't get me wrong - I am quite thrilled that my life is mostly normal, and all that angst from the past is no longer prevalent.

I guess it was just easier to write about the bad things than it is to now write about the good things. I'll work it out, though. We'll call it a goal for the coming New Year.

"The Handmaid and the Carpenter"

2008-12-15T12:18:00.006-05:00

Similar to how Lauren posts reviews of books she has recently read, I have decided it would be a good idea to follow suit with my own discussions on any books or movies I have seen or read as of late - if only to give me something to write about consistently in my blog. What can I say? Some people need a little more of a push than others. And I am one of those people.

I recently finished "The Handmaid and the Carpenter" by Elizabeth Berg. It was one of those books that while I hadn't heard anything about it, I decided to pick it up while browsing the "Noteworthy Fiction" table at a local Barnes & Noble. It has a most beautiful cover design, and truth be told - I do in fact tend to judge a book by it's cover. Plus, it was almost certainly a Christmas-related book (the Star of Bethlehem is on the cover) and let's face it - it's pretty difficult to get into the Christmas spirit when it's 80 degrees outside and feels like summer. I figured that a modern retelling of the classic Christmas story might help lift my spirits and ease me into the holiday mindset I was so desperately needing.

At a very short 150 pages, the book is over before you feel like you've truly begun it. The writer spends a great deal of time on the events leading up to the birth of Jesus - introducing us to Mary and Joseph, showing us their first meeting and how they fall in love - but what makes it feel so short is that once the baby Jesus is born, the story ends almost abruptly. You get to know the characters of Mary and Joseph and you care about where their lives lead them, but you never get to truly see what their life together is like. At the end of the book, Jesus is born, and then the next chapter jumps ahead to an indeterminate time (I've never been very good at figuring out all the "B.C." and "A.D." stuff...) and Joseph and Mary have seven children and then something spoilerific goes down (which I won't mention here) and then it's over.

I would have loved to have seen what life was like for Mary and Joseph after the birth of Jesus - how their lives changed and what kind of a child Jesus was. What were his interests as a young boy and how did Mary and Joseph help shape him into the man he became? They go on to have seven children - what about them? How did these siblings feel about an older brother who would eventually grow up to become the Savior of all mankind? There is so much more to the story, and it would have been nice to at least get a glimpse into the events beyond that one famous night in small Bethlehem stable.

I did, however, enjoy how the author took her time in crafting both Joseph and Mary into real people with real feelings and desires. Although I've never read the Bible in it's entirety, I have heard the Nativity Story enough times in a number of iterations to gather that not a whole lot of time is spent on the characterization of either of these important Biblical figures. It was nice and refreshing to see a version of the story that focuses not just on the miraculous events leading up to and surrounding the birth of Jesus, but also shows us the emotions of the people who experienced those miracles and how they each reacted differently to the prophesied coming of their Lord and Savior.

For example, in the book, we see Mary as a somewhat distant, thoughtful young girl who always had the sense that she was meant for something greater than herself. She is immensely in touch with her faith and sees God in all that surrounds her - from the grass beneath her feet to the birds flying through the treetops. She believes in Angels and miracles, and while her faith may run somewhat contradictory to the traditions of her time, she cares little of the judgment of others. Joseph, on the other hand, lives a life steeped in tradition. He cares greatly about what others may think, and fears the consequences of foregoing tradition. While he holds fast to those traditions that spawn from his faith - a faith he often professes aloud - he cannot accept Mary's immaculate conception or her claims that an Angel had visited her and the Holy Spirit came upon her. He distrusts Mary, and would rather believe she was unfaithful than believe her pregnancy to be a true miracle sent from God.

Throughout the novel, we see Joseph's struggle with his faith - with his immense love for Mary and his inability to trust her completely. He, too, is visited not once, but twice by an Angel sent from God and yet even on his deathbed, denounces the existence of miracles - chalking them up to exhaustion or the tricks one's very own mind can play. Likewise, we see Mary struggle with the path her life has taken - at times, she is uncertain about her marriage to Joseph, and feels trapped by the confines of society. She struggles, too, with her own misgivings about the mysterious circumstances surrounding her seemingly miraculous virgin conception. In all these ways, the author does a phenomenal job painting Mary and Joseph as real, living, breathing individuals who were no different than you or I - save the fact that they were thrust into these extraordinary circumstances and had to then cope with the many ways their lives would be forever changed.

It seems, sometimes, that amidst all of the hustle and bustle of present-buying, tree-decorating, party-planning and family-visiting, we lose the real meaning of Christmas. We forget the real reason why we celebrate on December 25th every year, and have done so for thousands and thousands of years past. I'm glad to have read "The Handmaid and the Carpenter", because it served as a sweet reminder of all those things we so often forget.

(Love)

2008-12-11T13:52:00.004-05:00

I am in love with this:

From: This Incredible Tumblr Site

The guy makes these lunch bags for his kids EVERY DAY - and if that weren't enough, they're absolutely amazing. He does everything from Star Wars to Star Trek, X-Men to Pokemon, Miyazaki to Final Fantasy VII. All are beautiful and I can't even fathom what child would ever dare throw away such a beautiful lunch bag. Definitely not your usual brown bag lunches. I'm pretty much convinced that Kevin absolutely must learn how to do this by the time our children come around.

And a few more, just for fun:

Definitely hit the link above for even more awesome-ness.

Starving

2008-12-05T12:13:00.003-05:00

You know that old adage - that anything tastes good when you're starving? Well, it's so very true...

When you haven't eaten anything for over ten hours and you've been running around taking photos of three back-to-back fast-paced basketball games with a camera that weighs probably close to ten pounds, in a hot and noisy gymnasium, after an especially long day of work, you go a little hunger-crazed. Especially when everyone else around you is happily snacking on pizza, hot dogs, nachos, and Chick'fil'A. Everywhere you turn, the smell of food wafts into your nostrils, taunting you and making your stomach growl even harder. By the time you finally get to leave

Compounding the problem and further complicating matters is the lateness of the hour. It happens that apparently, not much stays open past 10:00 p.m. unless you live in a very lively college town. Turns out, the pickings are quite slim. As in, your choices include a very sketchy-looking McDonalds and a Burger King with an empty parking lot. Both on the opposite side of the road, making them somewhat of a hassle to get to anyway. You drive past them in a hunger-induced rage, incapable of making any decisions that would be helpful. Your thoughts are blinded by an intense need for sustenance. You didn't really want to eat fast food, especially knowing what it does to your poor digestive system, but at this point, you're starting to doubt your own resolve. A few french fries couldn't possibly hurt, right...?

At last you've reached the point of no return. You've almost made it home, but your hunger has taken over control. Irrationally, you see a Wendy's and decide that eating chicken nuggets at 10:45 p.m. sounds like a great idea. You pull in to the drive-thru line quickly, recklessly. You impatiently sit in your car, waiting on the other cars in front of you. How is it that so many people are here this late at night?? It just doesn't seem right. But you're determined to get those chicken nuggets, oh yes. Finally, it's your turn. You eagerly order your food - pull up to the window and pay, grabbing the bag of greasy food as it's handed to you. Almost immediately you dig into the paper bag, pawing around for anything you can quickly consume. You pull out a fistful of french fries and almost ecstatically munch them down. You can't stop - the hunger drives you now.

Once you reach your home and make it inside, you don't even have time to greet your dog properly or even sit down. You quickly take out your chicken nuggets and, after having your fair share of french fries, practically inhale the rest of your meal. Towards the end, when you start feeling the hunger subside, you realize just how greasy and disgusting everything actually tastes. But it's too late. You're in it now. And you may as well finish, since the current euphoria you feel at having food in your stomach far outweighs any digestive consequences later.

And oh, there are consequences. Aside from an overall feeling of grossness (greasy fast food has the tendency to do that), your stomach almost immediately begins churning in discomfort. You feel nauseous and lightheaded. You pop back a few Tums and take a hot shower before crashing into bed, absolutely exhausted.

When you wake up the next day, you are definitely still feeling the effects of the previous nights' greasy food adventure. So you vow to yourself that never again will you give in to your hunger so carelessly.

But in the back of your mind, you know, deep down, that when you're hungry... anything tastes good.

Thankfulness

2008-12-03T10:24:00.006-05:00

Last week was Thanksgiving - one of the events I was very much looking forward to after beginning this blog. Being that it was the first Thanksgiving in 9 years that I was able to partake of the turkey, stuffing, and other usual Thanksgiving fare, it was quite eventful. In a way, it was the end of an era.

I spent a good 6 hours cooking. While I had nothing to do with preparing the turkey (I'm sure that responsibility will arise in the next few years), I did make a number of other dishes, including Homemade Cranberry Sauce, Parmesan Risotto, Warm Goat Cheese Salad, Chipotle Shrimp Cups, and Gordon Ramsay's Pecan Pie (which actually turned out to be more of a sweet potato "casserole" type of pie, but was still tasty). The risotto was a huge hit and disappeared quickly as leftovers. The shrimp cups were a lot of fun to make and came out quite yummy, but definitely need to be served piping hot because they get cold fast. I probably wouldn't make the pecan pie recipe again, just because it wasn't really as much of a pecan pie as I or everyone else wanted it to be. Next time I'll probably just use the pecan pie recipe off the back of the Karo Syrup. All in all, everything was quite successful, and for a family full of very picky eaters, I was surprised at how well my non-traditional Thanksgiving dishes were received.

And to answer the burning question on everyone's minds, yes, I did in fact eat turkey on Thanksgiving. Not a lot, mind you - by the time I got around to trying the turkey, I was already quite full on risotto and salad. But I definitely made good use of it over the course of the next three days - I'm pretty sure Kevin and I ate Thanksgiving leftovers for lunch every day after Thanksgiving until they were gone. I even made a turkey sandwich with what was left on the last day we had leftovers, and I have to say - real turkey sandwiches (especially when it's leftover Thanksgiving turkey) definitely beat out any other kind of turkey sandwiches.

But beyond my newfound ability to partake as a normal member of society during Thanksgiving dinner, I definitely did some reflecting and thought about how I have a lot to be thankful for this time of year.

Both Kevin and myself lucky enough to still be employed with jobs that we like and have fairly decent pay, even though the economy is hitting hard times and many others out there aren't so fortunate. We have our own apartment and are living entirely independently of his or my parents - we are able to afford to buy Christmas presents for one another and all of our friends and family, and while we may still struggle with living paycheck to paycheck, at least we are still able to make ends meet when it matters.

My friends Jessie and Chris had their baby finally - the night before Thanksgiving, at that - and he is absolutely beautiful. Both mom and baby are in perfect health.

Kevin's family, while having to make adjustments (his Mom going back to nursing full time, his Dad downsizing the company to just Kevin and himself and moving the business into his home) is making do and finding ways to save money while remaining comfortable in the lifestyle they enjoy.

My Dad has finally found happiness (after what seems like decades) and is engaged to a woman he truly loves. She's even moving down here from Pennsylvania to be with him. My sister is skeptical and a bit protective of my father, but I feel very positive about this development and think it will ultimately work out for the best.

All of my friends are in good health and good spirits, and I am just overtly thankful to have all of them - regardless of whether I see them weekly (like my girl night BFF Lauren) or whether I may only see them once or twice a year, they are all invaluable to me.

I'm married to my best friend. We get to be with one another and hang out every day and fall asleep cuddling every night. It's more than I could ever ask for.

My dog is hilarious and keeps me smiling even when I feel down. His unconditional love and complete zeal for life remind me constantly to focus on the positive and remember what truly matters in life.

Going into this holiday season and the New Year ahead, life will undoubtedly get busy and stressful as it usually does, but as long as I've got a reason to be thankful (and really, there's always a reason to be thankful), the busyness and stressfulness won't matter at all. What will matter is my friends, family, and all of life's blessings, big and small.

Rude.

2008-11-26T09:33:00.003-05:00

So... one thing I will probably never understand is road rage - and I'm not just talking about your average, every day kind of road rage like "Oh man, I can't believe there's traffic, this sucks" or "Dude, that person just cut me off, how lame!" and so on. I'm talking about the kind that is completely uncalled for - you never do anything to deserve it, to bring it about, to elicit it, and yet regardless, you become an unwilling victim of it.

This morning, on my usual commute to work, the traffic was much lighter than it typically is - probably because of the holiday tomorrow - and I found myself actually enjoying the drive into Downtown as the sun rose above the tall buildings in the hazy distance. I tend to travel in the fast lane out of habit (probably from all the years I spent driving back and forth between Orlando and Tallahassee on highways like I-75 and I-10), and I will admit to some occasional crankiness with any slower-than-average drivers that get in front of me. Recently, for some bizarre reason that no one has yet to determine, the speed limits on I-4 have been lowered to near-ridiculous levels. We're talking speed limits no higher than 40 or 50mph on an interstate highway - some local roads allow faster speeds than that. The speed limit for I-4 used to be between 65 and 70mph, which is pretty normal as highways go. This is what the general populous of Orlando has been used to for the many years until now, and over the last few weeks it has become clear that no one is really going to slow down.

My typical strategy is to just go with the flow of traffic - if everyone around me is going somewhere between 60 and 70, I'll adjust accordingly. I kind of hate going anything slower than 55 on a highway - it just feels wrong. The whole point of driving on a highway is to go faster than you would otherwise, and to get where you're going more efficiently. Needless to say, I'm not too broken up about the fact that people aren't following the posted limits.

This morning, however, was a different story.

Following my usual routine, I was coasting along in the far left lane at approximately 65mph or so - a fairly comfortable speed, not too fast and not too slow, yet still over the posted limit of 45 - when I heard a report on the radio that there would be police running a speed trap up ahead at the next exit. "Figures...", I thought. Last Thanksgiving, as Kevin and I drove the less than 2 miles it takes us to get from our apartment to his parents house, we got pulled over - Kevin "didn't come to a complete stop" at a stop sign near the mall. We got ticketed. On Thanksgiving. Cost us something outrageous like $150 too. Great way to begin the holidays, that. "Not this year..." I vowed silently as the radio finished its report.

In an effort to exhibit some due caution, I slowed down a bit (probably no more than 5 or 10mph) right around the Maitland exit. My eyes searched the medians for any hidden motorcycle cops or Highway Patrol cars. Nothing.

Feeling relieved, I sped back up and continued my commute. Double-checking one last time out of paranoia (just in case I had somehow missed any hidden cops) I glanced up in my rear-view mirror and noticed a large silver SUV riding my tail. Confused, I checked my speed - 65 - and then the speed limit sign I was just passing - 45 - and looked back up to find a woman on her cell phone at the helm, becoming dangerously close to the back of my car. In an attempt to get her off my tail, I sped up closer to 70, thinking this would encourage her to at the very least back off temporarily. She didn't. She just sped up even more.

This was becoming ridiculous. The middle lane to my right was blocked by other commuters going slower than I was - there was no way I could get over and let her pass. I decided to ignore her and try to focus on the road. The next thing I knew, she was tearing out recklessly into the lane beside me and moments later, forcing her way ahead by cutting close in front of me, coming literally inches away from hitting my car. Had I sped up even slightly and not noticed what she was up to in time, my car would be wrecked right now or worse.

As she sped ahead victoriously, she stuck her arm out of the driver-side window and began motioning to me. At first I figured she was just giving me the finger or something along those lines, so I raised my hands back at her in a "What the heck?!?" kind of expression. She pulled further ahead and motioned again - this time, very clearly pointing over her car to the next lane. Ahh. I see. She was telling me to get out of this lane and move over into the next one. Right. As if I were going so slow that I did not deserve to travel in the "fast lane".

I rolled my eyes and shook my head as she disappeared in the distance - probably going at least 85 or 90mph to get ahead that fast - and secretly, I wished those cops had been out here today doing a speed trap. I wished that she would get what was coming to her - get caught, have her holiday ruined by a ticket, learn the hard way that maybe 30+mph over the speed limit is just pushing it a little too far.

Seriously - I was already going much faster than the posted limit, and even slightly faster than most of the traffic surrounding me. I don't understand what her problem was - why she thought she was so much better than me and everyone else, and why 15 or 20 over the limit wasn't good enough, was still too slow, and why we all should deserve to be bossed around by her as she passes, almost causing accidents in her reckless wake. Would it have been worth it to her if when she cut me off, she had clipped my car and caused an accident? Were those extra 5 or 10mph she just had to go really that important?

I'll never understand people like that. To me, they're just plain rude.

Not quite as converted as I thought...

2008-11-24T11:44:00.002-05:00

So this past Saturday, Kevin and I decided to be ambitious (or rather, I decided to be ambitious while Kevin offered his emotional support) and make a fancy dinner from the Chef Ramsay cook book he got me for my birthday this past summer.

We selected a Lobster Spaghetti dish that looked simple yet elegant (and quite tasty) - figured it would be best to start out easy and move on to the more difficult dishes later. Besides, what with Thanksgiving right around the corner, I'm sure to have my plate full (no pun intended) with a variety of cooking challenges.

The ingredient list was fairly simple - fresh spaghetti, cherry tomatoes, white wine - nothing too extravagant. The only snag was the lobster. The recipe specified "freshly cooked" lobster, so clearly the frozen variety just wouldn't do. Leaving the lobster as the very last thing I needed to acquire on my grocery list, I made sure to stock up on everything else first. After a good hour of browsing through the aisles in Publix (I'm a foodie, what can I say? I like to take my time when I shop), I could put off the inevitable no longer.

I approached the seafood counter tentatively. My eyes swept the case, looking for any kind of convenient, pre-cooked lobster meat. No such luck. One of the workers noticed my apprehensive stance and called out to me, asking if there was anything he could help with. I explained what my recipe called for, and he chuckled - "Oh no, we have nothing pre-cooked" (he spoke with a heavy accent that I couldn't quite place) - and directed me towards the lobster tail in the case. At $6.99 per tail, this meal was shaping up to be quite gourmet after all. Having never purchased or cooked lobster tail, I stood considering this option while he rattled on about how it "would be better deal" if I merely purchased a WHOLE lobster. Sure, simple enough, right? Wrong.

Okay, I don't know about you, but when I was a child, I never really had the fascination with the lobster tank at the grocery store that other children my age seemed to have. Sure, I think once or twice I may have approached it, hands flat upon the glass, nose pressed against the side, watching as dozens of lobsters, big and small, floated to and fro in the bubbly water. But the more I watched The Discovery Channel and read National Geographic, the more I came to hate the lobster tank and everything it stood for. These poor creatures were hanging out, completely unaware that with the next scoop of the net, they would be someone's dinner. I had a hard time understanding how people could simply walk up to the tank, point to a lobster, and watch as the lobster was scooped up from his tank - his pincers rubber banded shut - and got packaged up, all while still alive. They would walk away holding it like a prize, as though it were a goldfish won at a carnival - except that people don't eat their goldfish when they get home.

There's this one particular incident from my childhood that I remember rather vividly. My mother came home one day holding one of those dreaded lobster bags - she announced quite proudly that we would be having "Lobster Newburg" for dinner that evening. Uncertain as to what this meant - I couldn't have possibly been any older than 8 or 9 at the time - I retreated to my bedroom to continue playing with my toys or watching tv or whatever else it was that I had been doing. An hour or two later, as dinner time drew near, I wandered into the kitchen to get a snack. As I turned the corner, I watched, to my complete and utter horror, as my mother dropped the lobster - still MOVING and definitely still ALIVE - into the boiling water! That poor lobster got boiled to death! He didn't have a hope! His poor pincers had just been freed from those thick purple rubber bands, and as he opened and closed them for probably the first time in weeks, marveling at his newfound freedom, he was instantly dropped into a pot of raging, boiling water. I had no idea how quickly he met his death after that point. Was it instantaneous? Or worse, far worse, was it not?

Needless to say, I didn't eat much of dinner that night.

Yet another time, when I was probably about 10, we went up to visit some family who lived in Connecticut. Their close proximity to Boston and the Atlantic allowed them access to very inexpensive, very fresh seafood. Our first night in town, we sat down for a family reunion of sorts - everyone was there. My Aunt and Uncle, their children, my sister, mother and father, and I think even a few other distant relatives I'm having trouble recalling at present. On the table in front of each of us was a white plastic bib. I looked at it, rather confused since there were no babies at the table. I was certainly old enough to eat without a bib, why would I need one now? Moments later, before I even knew what was coming, an ENTIRE LOBSTER was placed on the plate in front of me. Every person at the table had their own lobster. Eyes, legs, claws, shell and everything. It was Sebastian in the flesh! What on Earth did they expect me to do with this thing? While I was working through the implications of this dilemma in my head, everyone around me began picking up these funny little forks and these weird silver nutcracker-like tools and started tearing apart their lobsters! Limb from limb! My Uncle glanced over at me as my eyes widened in horror, and said "Go on, you eat it - it's easy" and he started breaking apart my lobster for me. My stomach churning as it tied itself into knot after knot, I watched as Sebastian was dismembered right before my very eyes.

Once again, I went to bed hungry.

Coming back to the present, I stood in shock as the man at the seafood counter made his way toward the lobster tank. He grabbed the large scoop and reached down into the water, pulling up a huge lobster to the surface. "What do you think of this one?" he asked. My jaw dropped, and I glanced back and forth between Kevin, the lobster, and the seafood guy. My stomach began to tighten. "Uuuuuhhh..." my voice quivered. I could feel my heartbeat picking up speed. I looked to Kevin for support. "I don't think we need one that big..." he offered. The man at the tank let the lobster he was holding drop back into the tank and began scooping around to find a smaller specimen. This was my chance - it was now or never. Right as he was about to show off his newest find, I glanced back to see the top of another lobster just breaking the surface of the water, and I panicked. I ran to Kevin and buried my face in his shoulder, shaking my head, whimpering "Noo, no no no no, I can't do this, oh no, no, no..." and hoping with all my might that when I turned back around, there would be no more lobsters staring at me. Sad? Yes. Pathetic? You betcha. But there was no way I would ever be one of those people who selected my dinner as it stared back at me.

We ended up with two of the lobster tail, and Kevin promised he would do most of the prep work for them so I wouldn't have to handle them too much. As we made our way out of the store, I began feeling terribly nauseous and lightheaded. My encounter with the lobster tank had effected me more than I expected, and I needed to do everything I could to try and forget about it. Kevin tried reassuring me that I was fine, and I probably just needed some lunch, but food was definitely the last thing on my mind. All I wanted was to get as far away from that lobster tank as possible. If I could help it, I vowed I would never get that close to a lobster tank again, for fear the seafood guys would start pulling out potential dinner offerings. I just wouldn't be able to handle it. I'm almost positive I gave those guys a great laugh after I stumbled away - the crazy girl who couldn't handle live lobsters. And that's fine. They can laugh, they can tell their next customer that wants a lobster how I freaked out and couldn't take it.

I know my limits. And this weekend, they were just further reinforced.

I <3 my pasty white boy...

2008-11-21T11:09:00.005-05:00

And no... I'm not referring to a certain sparkly, dazzling 108-year old vampire who seems to be the dominating fantasy of almost every pre-teen and teenage girl (not to mention the thousands upon thousands of twenty-something women and even middle-aged women out there) at this very moment.

My pasty white boy is six feet tall, with striking black hair (it's rarely unruly) and piercing blue-green (not golden) eyes. He has a body that I absolutely love to hug and cuddle up to (a perk of not being as hard as stone!) and he's also quite warm (not ice cold). When we make love (sorry if this is crossing into T.M.I. territory) he doesn't break the bed. Thank God. Beds are expensive!

But seriously guys (girls), while there's not necessarily anything wrong with crushing on a literary character (for awhile), and being that you'd have to be pretty dead inside not to feel those romantic bubblies in your tummy whenever Edward does something particularly swoon-worthy, I feel it's important to point out that none of it is actually real. I'm not terribly sure some of these people really get that concept. Little do they realize that it's actually perfectly okay to move on with your life after reading these books. There are other books (and swoon-worthy literary characters) to be discovered. Edward (while quite intoxicating in his ability to enter your dreams and waking thoughts) is not (believe it or not) the be-all, end-all, last and final word on what the perfect guy truly is. And as much as you may want to believe it, there are not vampires (vegetarian or otherwise) out there waiting to fulfill your dreams of eternal immortality.

I realize this news may be somewhat crushing for the general female populous. And for that, I apologize.

I cannot, however, apologize for being a lukewarm Twilight fan.

Yes, I read the first book and loved it and absolutely couldn't wait to start the second. I literally ran out to the Barnes & Noble across the street to purchase New Moon within a half hour of finishing the little "teaser" chapter at the end of the first book. I, too, swooned and pined over Edward and his romantic, teasing nature - his golden eyes and his unkempt, wild hair. I empathized with Bella and her shy, introverted demeanor. I knew what it felt like to long for someone with every fiber of your being and not be able to have them all for yourself (my husband Kevin and I had a rough patch back when we first started dating in high school), and I know what it feels like to truly believe you have found your soulmate in life. I understood Bella and her uncontrollable teenage angst. Every teenager goes through it - I currently get to experience the joy (read: anti-joy) of watching my almost-sixteen year-old sister-in-law develop her angst muscles. It's definitely proving to be an exercise in "hindsight bias".

Speeding through New Moon within a matter of days (though it was a push to get through to page 400), I made sure to have Eclipse ready to begin the moment I finished the second book. Once again, I tore through the pages until reaching the end, my thirst for this human/vampire/werewolf love triangle still not completely satisfied. And then there was the wait.

Months after finishing the first three novels, Breaking Dawn finally came out to much long-awaited anticipation. Along with probably thousands of other excited, anxious, Twilight-obsessed females (and the occasional token male - no lie!), I attended a midnight release for the book and stood in line as I watched these crazed "Twilighters" (or "Twiheads" as they're proudly referred to) reach for their copy of the book, hands quivering at the excitement of the moment. I, too, received my copy and (hands not quivering) smiled and thanked the bookseller for his patience. Instead of clutching the novel to my chest as though it were some sort of lifeline, I casually swung it around in the Borders bag it had been placed in. Unlike most of the people leaving the book store that night (or early morning, as it were), I had no plans to go home and immediately begin pouring over the pages, seeking out every tension-filled glance or sexually-charged touch between the main characters. I would wait until sometime the next day, line any normal, sane person. After all, I had my very own Edward (minus the undead vampire thing, of course) to go home to and crawl into bed with.

All in all, I was mostly content with the book series as a whole. There is plenty to criticize and plenty to ponder, but ultimately, it was just that. A book series. That I enjoyed. I'm sure I'll get flogged for this later, but I must admit that it still doesn't hold a candle to Harry Potter.

And today (rather, tonight), I will be going to see the movie adaptation with my close-knit group of girlfriends (all Twilight fans in their own way - some much more obsessed than others). I will have my very own Edward (I truly have the best husband ever) at my side, even though he has never read the series nor does he ever plan to (I think he kind of despises it based solely on the fact that myself and everyone else I knew was more than a little crazy about it and talked about it so much when we were reading it that he's just really sick of it by now).

I can say I'm excited - it's always fun to see something you love brought to the big screen. To see what changes are made, and if even if there have been any improvements to the original material. It's actually sort of schadenfreude, in a way - part of you wants the movie to be great and do awesome, because you love the source material so much and would love to keep seeing it become a success, but then another part of you really wants the movie to suck, because there's no way they could possibly do justice to the original. I think I find myself leaning more towards the latter rather than the former. I really do want this movie to do well, and I hope it will be good. But I'm not so excited and my hopes aren't so high that I would be completely disappointed if the movie didn't turn out to be everything everyone wants it to be and more.

At the end of the day, Twilight will probably be just another footnote that, at times, I'm sure will be touched upon again in conversation or referenced in passing, but in the end, just a collection of hard covers sitting on my bookshelf that perhaps some day, I will revisit.

Ultimately, I've got my own life, and more importantly, my own pasty white boy to love.

Childhood

2008-11-18T16:21:00.005-05:00

So Tuesday morning, as I was driving out of my complex on my way to work, I noticed a little boy - couldn't have been any older than five or six at the most - walking to the bus stop. He was walking by himself rather slowly and was oddly hunched over, so as I passed, I took a closer look. I figured he was probably either just tired or really keen on looking at his feet, but at the same time, I wanted to make sure he was okay. Call it maternal instinct - whatever. I'm a bit of a worry-wart at times.

To my surprise, however, I saw upon closer inspection that the reason he was moving so strangely was because he was trying VERY HARD to maintain a long, gooey, white strand of snot that was hanging from his nose! BOTH nostrils had snot hanging from them (maybe he sneezed recently and was lacking a tissue???), and the longest strand of the two had to be at least ten inches long! With every step he took, the snot swung from side to side in front of him, and he watched it eagerly.

Was he waiting for it to fall? Did he not want to wipe it with his hands since it was so gross? I paused and considered these possibilities momentarily as I waited at the stop sign for my turn. Eventually I realized, however, that chances are he was probably just being a boy. He probably could have wiped that snot away. Could have dispensed with it long before it got to the ridiculous state it was now in, and could have foregone the disgusting stream now swinging from his nostrils. But did he? No. He was a little boy walking to the bus stop, and his only amusement until the other kids got there (or if he was antisocial or introverted, until the bus arrived to pick him up) was this swinging strand of snot.

Oh, the things we do as children.

You remember that episode of Seinfeld when...?

2008-11-13T15:39:00.004-05:00

Kevin has a long-standing theory that everything (and he truly means everything) in life can somehow be related back to Seinfeld. From bad dates to break-ups, from parking tickets to bad parties, from crazy family members to chinese food restaurants - eventually, it all miraculously goes back to Seinfeld.

I've known Kevin for many, many years now, and I have spent the grand majority of those years brushing off this crazy concept as absurd, out of left field, completely off-base and truly ridiculous.

Unlike him and many other friends of mine, I was not raised on Seinfeld, or really any other early to mid-90's television sitcom. When I was a child, it was a rarity to watch more than an hour of tv a night at my house, and typically (we're talking at least a good 98% of the time) that hour of watching was heavily regulated. There was a very long list of shows I was under no circumstances ever allowed to watch, including such classics as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Ren & Stimpy (not that I would have wanted to watch this anyway), Married with Children, The Simpsons, X-Men, and of course, Seinfeld.

So it only follows that in my later years, once those restrictions grew more and more relaxed and my parents no longer cared what I watched (to an extent, anyway), I never had a great deal of interest in any of these "off-limits" shows from my childhood. Sure, there were a few times I would find myself channel-surfing and decide to give Seinfeld or The Simpsons a shot, but usually I'd end up changing channels after no more than five minutes. These shows just didn't seem all that important anymore - when I was younger I would have done anything to get a shot at watching them (and there were a few times I did) - but now, I was over it.

In recent months, however, through some sick twist of fate, Kevin has been able to get me to not only watch Seinfeld with him, but actually enjoy it.

My husband is a collector. There's no denying that. Our extra bedroom that we converted into a quasi-museum of old video game consoles is a true testament to that. Over the last few years, he has been collecting used copies (and on very rare occasions, new ones) of the tv box sets for Seinfeld. I think he's up to at least 5 seasons or something now... I don't really know how many seasons there are total, but I know he's not done yet. Anyway, as of late, we've been popping an episode or two on after work during dinner. It's been a great way to relax and wind down after a long day, and it's certainly been a bonding experience. I'm always particularly amused whenever Kevin looks over at me with his eyes wide and a huge grin on his face - you can really tell he gets a kick out of the fact that I now laugh out loud and find enjoyment from this show that I used to bash so harshly. It's almost as though every time he gives me that look, he's secretly thinking to himself "Yes! I've done it! I've won!" or something. No matter. Let him have his victory - I'll admit to having found some of it humorous at times.

In any case, the whole point of all of this is that I am now admitting something else that I'm sure he'll just LOVE. I think I may in fact agree with him that yes, at times, life truly can be related back to an episode of Seinfeld. And the bizarre thing is that it's not like these things that happen that relate back to it share only a few coincidental similarities. No, they are actually pretty much almost word for word, thought for thought, playing out exactly the same way they played out in the episodes for Jerry or Elaine or whoever else. It seems impossible - but I tell you now my friends, it isn't.

Today, I experienced what I am now going to refer to as a "Seinfeld moment".

My Seinfeld moment involved having lunch with someone I haven't seen in probably a good two years or so - maybe even longer. This is a person with whom I was good friends in high school (which, by the way, has been over for almost five and a half years now - goodness gracious!) but over the years have somewhat lost touch with. Not necessarily intentionally, either. Sometimes friendships just change and drift apart, and I'm certain that such was the case here as well.

Anyway, point being - the entire experience was JUST like a Seinfeld episode Kevin and I watched recently.

In the episode, Jerry has lunch with this guy he's been friends with since high school, but he's only doing it out of necessity - he doesn't really want to have lunch with the guy nor does he look forward to it - it's just that he feels some kind of responsibility to the guy to at least try and stay friends with him after having known him for so long. The episode depicts a number of awkward interactions between Jerry and this friend of his, and in his stand-up routines, Jerry laments that he wishes you could just "break up" with certain friends because at times, it just seems kind of pointless to try and keep the friendship going. Eventually, Jerry tries talking to this friend of his in an attempt to put some distance between them, but the friend loses it and cries and makes Jerry feel so bad that he takes it all back, and they remain friends - much to Jerry's chagrin.

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that I necessarily want to "break up" with this friend or anything like that - it's just that sometimes, when you're sitting there with someone doing the whole "catching up" routine (whether it be at lunch or on the phone or even over facebook), the years and distance really become amplified. You realize that you don't actually have a whole lot in common with this person anymore, and that in actuality, you probably are just keeping this friendship going out of old habit.

It's certainly no secret that as friends head out into the real world to begin their own lives, they change. Sometimes they grow apart, whether it be by distance, or lack of communication, or the busyness of life itself. Some move on and get married - start a family. Some choose to relentlessly pursue careers or college majors that require all of their time but the six hours they use to sleep every night. Some find themselves in new groups of friends with new interests and lifestyles that may now conflict with interests and friendships of the past.

There are a few who decide that no matter what, they will cling to every last friendship they have, even if it means those friendships turn into nothing more than a monthly "catching up" session over lunch, the phone, facebook or email. They can't let go of the past - don't want to, are possibly even afraid to - and they remain stuck in a seemingly endless time capsule so that every time you see them or hear from them, they are exactly the same person they were back in high school or college or whenever it was that you were closest.

It seems to me that after you get out of high school - if you're lucky enough - there are certain friends who stay with you on your journey into true adulthood. They may end up in the same city as you, going to the same college - your roommate or your weekend hangout buddy, or maybe even a bit of both. They may end up moving to a city far away or going to a school in a different state, but you keep in touch through tons of phone calls and text messages, or more facebook wall posts than could ever be counted. Some friends you may go months on end without seeing or even talking to, and yet, when you are reunited (either on accident by finding yourselves at the same house party or on purpose by realizing you miss them and dropping them a line), it feels as though you were never apart. Conversation picks up almost instantaneously and all of the usual awkard "catching up" is completely skipped over for the more juicy, interesting tidbits going on in one another's lives. These are true friends - they change with you, mature with you - not stuck in the past and yet not so far ahead in the future that they have left you behind. They're the keepers, and I count myself incredibly lucky to have so many of them.

And while my "Seinfeld moment" may have reminded me that not even I - as self-aware and knowledgeable as I like to think I am - can ultimately avoid the facts of life and the facts of friendships that are based on those awkward interactions of playing "catch up", it also made me realize that these dreaded exchanges occur only rarely, and I more often than not find myself in the company of true friends - the best kind of friends - who can easily skip the "catch up" and travel forward with me as we forge our own separate lives but still manage to stay an integral part of one another's existence.

Transitions

2008-11-12T15:32:00.003-05:00

So it would seem that my transition into a normal, full-fledged meat-eating lifestyle has been completed. I regularly incorporate meat into my diet now (still mainly just chicken and turkey, of course) and it no longer bothers me the way it did when I first began. I rarely think about how strange it is to be eating meat again, and I don't shy away from considering entrees at restaurants that have meat as an ingredient. My freezer is stocked full with a wide variety of frozen chicken breast strips, nuggets, and turkey burgers. I'm able to have friends cook for me without making any special requests. What can I say? I guess I've been assimilated.

Which brings me to my newest dilemma. What do I do with this blog? Initially, I created it as a means of expressing my fears and uncertainties about no longer being a vegetarian. It was a great tool for getting out my frustrations about the nine years I spent as a vegetarian, and also for communicating my reasons for the switch. I suspect that in the future, it will be something I'll be quite glad to have, so I can look back on it and remember such an important transitional period of my life.

But I certainly can't sustain this thing on the premise of being solely about my vegetarian past or my meat-eating present. That would get boring fast - for myself and anyone reading it. Things on that front just aren't really exciting or pivotal anymore. They're just... normal. And no one wants to read (or write) about normalcy. That's what whine-journals are for (at least according to my wonderful husband, Kevin) - and honestly, I think I've grown beyond that. I don't need to have a livejournal or a xanga to record my angst. My life doesn't really have that much angst in it anymore - a fact that I'm quite relieved and happy about. Yet in the past, when I had those various whine-journals, I was able to write in them almost every night. Sometimes multiple times a day. I had a great deal of material.

It's fitting, I suppose, that this blog of mine should have to experience it's own transition now that my own personal transition has been completed. I don't really know where it's going, or what the grand plan for it's design or purpose should be, but like life, I guess that's just something I'll have to discover as I go along.

Quick update...

2008-11-03T09:28:00.002-05:00

I haven't updated in awhile, mainly because life gets busy (and I have to actually do real work at work sometimes ;p Quite the concept, really!)

Things on the meat-eating front have been going rather well - I'm definitely feeling pretty much integrated back into normalcy. I don't really feel the mental struggle when it comes to ordering something meat-related anymore, and my stomach seems to be pretty much adjusted to it by now. I am certainly enjoying my new found freedom when it comes to having the ability to eat what I want, and I know Kevin and my other friends are definitely liking the fact that my once picky nature has dwindled to near nonexistence.

It is a bit bizarre that I'm no longer the "picky one" at the dinner table... I think I, and everyone else, just got used to that fact. Sure, there are still some things I'll be particular about - of course I'll always want what I'm eating to be healthy, and I'm still not a huge fan of anything fried, and I really haven't liked the small amounts of red meat that I have tried so far, so yes, those things may still classify me as "picky", but it's certainly nothing compared to what it once was.

Cooking meat is getting a bit easier since my last ranting post - I've taken the advice of those around me, and have been sticking to mainly pre-cooked things for now. I haven't ventured into cooking anything raw yet... but I'm sure, with the holiday season quickly drawing near, the time for that is coming. Be sure to expect quite the update when THAT happens...

I'm still getting used to the whole "how much" concept - since I never had meat in my diet when I was out on my own (read: cooking and feeding myself, as opposed to parents taking care of that for me), I still don't really have a good idea of how much meat I need to be incorporating into my diet. Is it too much to have it every day? Probably. Especially for someone like myself who didn't touch the stuff for almost a decade. I haven't yet found that balance, and since I don't really know a lot about meat or protein, I don't know how to incorporate it into a healthy, well-balanced diet. This is definitely something I'm going to have to put a lot more effort into researching.

With Thanksgiving around the corner, and Christmas soon after that (can you BELIEVE it's November already?!?), I am sure to have a number of new gastronomic experiences - a real Thanksgiving dinner, for one - and only after that will I consider myself completely converted.

Experiment #4: Cooking With Meat

2008-10-24T16:36:00.005-04:00

It should be of no surprise to anyone reading this that I absolutely love to cook. It's a defining part of who I am - and really, any kind of cooking will do. Following recipes, making an entree up on the fly, baking cookies or bread or even something as simple as scrambled eggs on a Saturday morning... for me, it's all the same. Part creative expressionism, part scientific experimentation, it's something I do with passion and exuberance almost all of the time - where others might see a menial chore, I see a challenge.

Now, two weeks in, I face perhaps one of my biggest cooking challenges of all time. And no - I'm not talking about attempting to recreate the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory (been there, baked that) - I'm talking about something far greater. Far more difficult with many more variables and a great deal more that could possibly go awry.

I'm talking about cooking meat.

It should probably be noted that I didn't really even get into cooking until I went off to college. Sure, I had interest enough in high school, but I never had the time for it. Everything else - Drama, ROTC, hanging out with friends, my short-lived rock band (yeah! Emergency Exit!) - was seemingly much more important. Beyond that, my family wasn't really the "sit down and have a family dinner" type. Doing dinner together generally meant running out to Wendy's or Taco Bell (yeah, and this is after I turned all veggie on them) and getting take out, bringing it home, and then proceeding to eat in our own separate corners of the house.

So it would stand to reason that as cooking didn't enter into my life until my second year of college (you couldn't really cook in the dorm room - they claimed to have "kitchens" on every floor, but I definitely wouldn't call those kitchens since they were more like fire hazards), I never actually learned how to cook meat properly.

Sure, I watched (and still do - don't make fun of me) the Food Network on occasion. It was a great cure for insomnia, and as I slowly lulled off to sleep, in those few last moments of wakefulness I would try to glean some sort of cooking knowledge from either Rachel Ray or Emeril as they chopped and diced and sauteed and flambeed. Sometimes they made veggie-friendly recipes, but most often, their recipes included meat. Usually I would store that information away in some far corner of my brain, figuring it might come in handy some day. But it's one thing to watch people cook something (especially when the watching is being done right before falling asleep), and it's an entirely different thing to actually attempt to cook that same something. Most especially when that something is meat, and you've been a vegetarian for almost half your life.

While out grocery shopping last weekend, Kevin and I purchased some meat. Being the first time I had ever bought meat for my own consumption, I decided to stick with a few safe bets. Chicken nuggets certainly (and it doesn't hurt that they're Mickey Mouse shaped!) are a safe bet. I figured so long as I remained in the frozen section (and stayed as far away from the fresh meat area as possible) I'd be fine. What I didn't realize (and how could I have?) was that even frozen meat has to be dealt with differently than non-meat things.

I'm so used to my veggie burgers and veggie meatballs and veggie chik patties and never having to worry about making sure they're completely cooked thoroughly (and to a specific 165 degree temperature). I'm so used to never having to worry about making sure I don't contaminate my cooking surfaces with salmonella or goodness only knows what other kind of terrible, deadly bacteria that could potentially sicken anyone who comes into contact with it. I have no clue how to go about thawing meat properly, or how to tell if it's cooked enough for eating, or what a proper portion size is or how much meat I should be including in my diet on a regular basis. Obviously every meal I eat doesn't have to include meat, but how much is too much and how much isn't enough? Is there a set amount? I just feel completely clueless about this whole endeavor and to be perfectly honest, the whole thing is rather overwhelming.

This week, my two forays into meat-cooking included frozen grilled chicken breast strips (for chicken tacos) on Tuesday, and then on Wednesday, frozen turkey burgers. Neither item had any cooking directions to speak of on the packaging. All I found were "safe handling instructions" and serving suggestions. Not helpful. At all.

The chicken strips I ended up tossing into some olive oil and sauteeing until they were no longer frozen. I didn't know about the whole 165-degree internal temperature thing, so I kinda hope Kevin and I don't suddenly fall ill with e-coli or salmonella poisoning...

The turkey burgers I ended up dethawing in the microwave for a good ten minutes, and then grilling over my flat iron skillet until they were pretty well done. Halfway through cooking them, I realized I did in fact own a meat thermometer (a crappy one at that, but it would do it's job well enough) and I had Kevin pull it out. Every time I stuck the meat thermometer into the center of one of the burgers, the temperature always fell short of the 165-degree goal! It was so frustrating! I had been cooking these burgers on medium-high for a good 10-15 minutes. How could they not be ready yet? Impatiently stabbing the turkey burgers with the thermometer about every 30 seconds, I eventually managed to get them up to 165. Whether that was by skill or sheer luck, I'll never know. Once again hoping I wouldn't inadvertently sicken myself or my spouse, I tentatively served up the meat and got around to feeling slightly better that it wasn't a total cooking failure.

Here's the thing. I'm just so completely used to cooking on instinct that this whole meat-cooking thing has me all screwed up. I can't just rely on my eyes or my nose to tell me when something is done anymore. I can't rely on the texture or the color to tell me it's ready to be eaten. I have no idea if there even are any sort of sensory cues I can use when cooking meat, and it's driving me a bit batty.

Maybe I need to start watching the Food Network more often.

Life Without Meat, Part Two.

2008-10-23T11:18:00.004-04:00

While the wide variety of veggie-friendly products available at the local grocery store certainly helped to make life at the home dinner table a bit easier, such was not the case out and about in the real world. Restaurants, friends houses, school, any social function involving food... they each came with their own special challenges and frustrations that I had to learn to cope with in order to survive as a vegetarian.

Restaurants...
With the exception of pasta-centric establishments such as Olive Garden and Macaroni Grill, my options were fairly limited when it came to finding veggie-friendly choices. Dinner with the family at Outback? I'd probably end up making a meal out of side items, like a salad and baked potato. Lunch after church at Longhorn? Again, salads and baked potatoes were good friends of mine. And then there were the places you just couldn't go to no matter what. Cracker Barrel, for example. Chick'fil'A, for another. In fact, you can pretty much throw out any recognizable fast food place as being off limits - not just for their unhealthiness, but for their total lack of respect or consideration for vegetarians in the world. Even their french fries end up getting deep fried in animal fat. And honestly, at the nicer sit-down types of places? There's really only so much salad a person can eat time after time again before getting completely sick of it. Beyond that, I've yet to really find anywhere (with a few exceptions - Sweet Tomatoes and Seasons 52 come to mind) that can even make a decent salad. So not only do you get stuck with terribly limited menu options, oftentimes forced to create a meal out of even more limited side item choices, typically the food you end up with isn't even very palatable after all. But the issue I have with restaurants goes even further beyond the lack of non-meat entrees. Okay, so, say you actually manage to find something vegetarian-friendly that isn't just a side salad or an amalgamation of random side dishes. How much do you want to bet that it isn't completely covered in cheese, or deep fried, or laden with some type of heavy cream or butter? That's right, you wouldn't take that bet. You couldn't take that bet. Because almost 90% of the time, that's exactly what you'll find. Vegetarian entrees that consist almost entirely of either cheese, butter, cream, or fried breading. Sometimes it's a combination of some or all of the above! So really, good luck finding anything even remotely healthy if you plan to eat as a vegetarian. Unless you're okay with eating salad and bakes potatoes every time you go out to eat for the rest of your life.

Friends Houses...
The problem with going over and visiting with friends is that usually, at least initially, their parents don't know you're a vegetarian. They just assume, as would most people, that you eat meat and enjoy the same things as every other kid out there. Unfortunately, you don't. And usually this takes a fair amount of explaining (over and over and over again) before people get it. You start to come up with a sort of pre-recorded script in your head that you have to recite time and again for every new person you meet - "What? You don't eat meat? Why?" It's almost like they've never heard of vegetarianism as a lifestyle choice before. It's like something is wrong with you and they just can't wrap their brains around the concept. In any case, good luck if you plan to go over for a full-fledged sit-down family dinner (or if you were invited out to dinner, in which case, read this and then re-read above "Restaurants" section). Expect to spend at least two thirds of dinner time talking about and defending your anti-meat stance, while your friends parents stare at you with confused, sometimes concerned but almost always disbelieving expressions on their faces. The last third of dinner will probably be spent eating in silence as the omnivores at the table try to work out silently in their heads why their child has such strange friends. Therefore, it is typically a better idea to go over to friends houses on more casual occasions - for sleepover parties, or after school hangouts. Even these situations can potentially present you with complications, but usually, they're safer. If pizza gets ordered, you can almost always count on one of them being plain cheese (unless you're like me, and you don't like eating pizza because it's greasy and you're lactose intolerant), and typically where there's pizza, there's a lot in the way of snackables like Doritos and Cheetos. Once again, never the healthiest of options, but when you're hungry, you make compromises.

School...
While similar to both friends houses and restaurants, school is a sort of combination of the two. You've got counter service in the cafeteria that typically offers choices similar to any number of fast food joints (overpriced, greasy, meat-centric as always), and then you've got friends who might let you mooch off of their lunches (usually sandwiches that have meat in them or something of the sort, if they haven't already bought their lunch from the cafeteria). And if you're not a mooch, you bring your own lunch. Which pretty much always looks completely different from the lunches everyone else brings. You can try different things to disguise your lunch so that it might look a bit more normal - vegetarian deli meats, for example, look almost-but-not-quite the same as normal deli meats. Or you can go all out - sport your vegetarianism proudly for all to see. Bring sandwiches made out of hummus and tabbouleh (a Mediterranean parsley and buckwheat salad), or munch happily on carrot sticks and sliced peppers. Either way, you'll inevitably be faced with the occasional question, awkward staring, or friendly jesting. You learn to live with it.

Social Functions Involving Food...
This is where the challenge truly begins (as if all three previous situations didn't prove challenging enough). Whenever you attend any kind of social event where a buffet or appetizers are to be served, expect heavy meat resistance. In these situations, you have no control. The best course of action would be to eat beforehand, so you don't even have to worry about staring hungrily at the buffet line, wishing you could partake. If eating beforehand isn't an option, you'll have to succumb to what I like to refer to as "hunting and gathering". That's right - think Caveman. Or Cavewoman, as it were. The plan of attack usually looks something like this: 1. Scope out the scene, and check to make sure you aren't being watched; 2. Beginning at the front of the buffet line (being careful not to actually get into the buffet line), take an initial survey of the food being offered. Make your way slowly down toward the end, keeping your eyes peeled for anything that looks even remotely vegetarian-friendly; 3. Once at the end of the buffet, if you think you have seen anything edible, make your way slowly back to the front - taking a second inventory as you pass, just in case; 4. Get into the buffet line, grab a plate, and move down the table, grabbing anything that you are 100% certain is meat-free. This can be very difficult, since a lot of appetizers and buffet-type foods tend to have hidden meat in them (some of the more notorious offenders include potato salad, pasta salad, mini quiches, any kind of rice dish, and almost anything wrapped in a croissant, filo dough, or dumpling). The only safe bets you might encounter (and that's only when you're lucky) are things like tortilla chips and salsa, garlic bread, and fruit and raw veggie trays. Like I said - don't go to these things hungry.

To survive as a vegetarian out in the real world, I had to become quite adept at training my eye to seek out veggie-friendly foods, training my stomach to subsist on less-than-filling food that sometimes didn't sit too well, and training my mind to think cleverly about how to defend my position as a non-meat-eating human being. Every day brought with it new challenges and new situations that sometimes made me question even my own judgment - but eventually, I was able to adapt, and at times even welcome the challenge to test my resolve as a vegetarian.

Experiment #3: Costco on a Saturday Afternoon

2008-10-20T13:36:00.004-04:00

It may or may not be common knowledge that on a Saturday afternoon, Costco is by far, hands-down, the very best place to go if you want a free lunch. Seriously.

While they aren't necessarily handing out entire lunches for free, they are handing out sample after sample of a variety of different foods - ranging from appetizers (there's usually the crab dip on crackers, the whole grain baguette, and the hummus and pita chip stands for starters), to entrees (a huge variety ranging weekly from different meat items like fried tilapia fillets, chicken teriyaki meatballs, honey smoked sausage, and Jamaican beef empanadas to even some vegetarian options like Morningstar sausage patties and Italian pasta salad), and even to desserts (my favorite category - always different every week, with items like Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, gelato, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate candies, and ice cream). There are even stands that serve up different drink options like Vitamin Water, Sobe, orange juice, and coffee. And as you browse the store, they make sure to give you plenty of snack tables to choose from as well, with tasty treats like caramel and toffee-covered popcorn, Veggie Stix, trail mix, and more. Needless to say, the average person can conceivably go into the store on a hungry, empty stomach, and leave after hitting up every sample stand feeling their hunger has been beyond satiated.

As you can imagine, the lunchtime sample run at Costco is not nearly as exciting or satiating when you're a vegetarian. Sure, every now and then you luck out and they're serving a lot of veggie-friendly products like Boca burgers, macaroni and cheese, and Kashi waffles, but such is not typically the norm.

My most recent Costco visit, however, was different than any other to have come before it. The difference? The obvious, of course - I can now eat meat. I could , if I desired, actually partake of any and every sample available. The possibilities were endless. The road ahead was paved with freedom, and I was more than ready to take it.

We began with the snack area. Simple enough - some popcorn thing - no meat, no problem. We then made our way toward the back of the store. This is where the meat items generally show up. And so they did. The first we came across was a dual table - offering both chicken teriyaki meatballs (meatballs made of chicken instead of beef? Interesting...) and some kind of chicken sausage (that supposedly wasn't entirely made of chicken so it still counted as sausage? Not so sure about that one...). In any case, as was our agreement, Kevin would try everything first to make sure it was safe for me to try next.

Thumbs up approval was given to the chicken teriyaki meatballs. Hesitantly, I reached for a sample and smiled meekly at the Costco employee handing them out. He grinned back and enthusiastically urged me to try some. He had no idea how big of a deal this was. Kevin did - he watched me curiously, excitedly. Those butterflies returning to my tummy (they've yet to disappear before every new meat-eating experience so far), I popped the sample into my mouth. Kevin's eyes widened, awaiting my approval. I laughed and gave him the nod - success! I have yet to get over how surprised I am every time I try some new meat item and find that I actually enjoy it. I suppose almost a decade of vegetarianism does come with it's prejudices, as hard as I always tried to fight them.

We spent a good hour at Costco, milling about and filling our cart high with bulk goods, sampling as we went. I truly was able to try everything that was being offered. My confidence building with each new experience, by the time we left, it felt completely natural. I was no longer on the outside looking in - I was participating.

Experiment #2: Expanding the Horizon

2008-10-18T18:14:00.002-04:00

Saturday night we had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. A fairly nice restaurant, it's definitely a place I never got a chance to eat at prior to becoming a vegetarian. The menu is like a book - it's huge! This of course makes it very easy to find vegetarian options, but the menu certainly offers even more options for the non-vegetarian. Obviously, I have never explored said options. Until now.

Initially delving into the world of chicken during this first tentative, fragile week of non-vegetarianism, I found that I was eventually able to stomach it and even enjoy it. I decided on Saturday night that it was time to push the boundaries out just a little bit further.

There were plenty of fancy dishes available that offered everything from the usual fish and shrimp, to chicken and beef and even pancetta. And while it would seem par for the course for me to choose some kind of safe pasta + chicken dish, I opted for a more daring choice. A turkey burger.

When the waiter brought it out and placed it in front of me, I must admit to having been a little bit surprised. It looked nothing like I had expected it to. In actuality, the fact that it wasn't perfectly round and burger shaped was probably a good thing - that meant it was most likely made from scratch, in house. So it had to be pretty tasty, right? I lifted up the top piece of bread to inspect the turkey portion of the sandwich. In addition to being oddly shaped, it was also very dark brown in color - almost gray - and kind of crispy/charred looking on the outside. This worried me. Wasn't turkey supposed to be similar to chicken? This "turkey burger" looked absolutely nothing like chicken. It didn't even look like turkey. Or at least what I thought turkey was supposed to look like? It had been over nine years, after all.

I decided to throw caution to the wind and go for it. Everyone at the table was staring at me intently, so the pressure was certainly on. I took a huge bite, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the taste was incredible! It wasn't too chewy, it wasn't at all burnt like I had feared, and it was very juicy and well-seasoned. I immediately decided it was in fact the best meat I had eaten since becoming non-vegetarian! Which is saying something, since I hadn't thought I'd even like meat enough to have such a strong opinion no it. Once again, I found that I got full very quickly (meat seems to do that to me!) and I was excited that I would have half of my meal leftover for lunch the next day.

In closing, my second experiment worked out perfectly. I didn't even have any bad reactions to the meat later that evening. It would seem my stomach had adjusted already, and I was well on my way to becoming a full-fledged omnivore after all.

Clarification.

2008-10-17T08:49:00.004-04:00

It would seem I need to clarify one important tidbit of information:

Why did I stop being a vegetarian and go back to eating meat?

While this was not in any way an easy decision or one of those impulsive decisions made on the fly, it was a rather necessary one. For months (some - my husband and family included - would argue that it has been much longer than that) my health has not been ideal. I have been sick (and when I say sick, I mean "can't get up off the couch and feel like you want to die" sick) more times than I can begin to count in just this past year alone. My doctor is no longer surprised that I'm in to see him on almost a six week basis. I have felt constantly exhausted and unfocused even though I make it a point to log a good eight hours every night. And I have suffered uncomfortable and at times, downright painful digestive issues that don't seem to dissipate even when I leave dairy out of the equation (being lactose intolerant pretty much sucks all the time, but I'm convinced it isn't the whole problem here).

After doing a great deal of research online and speaking with a few medical professionals (my doctors, some others) I gathered that while vegetarianism is a great concept and it certainly works wonders for many people, there are some people out there who simply "fail to thrive" on such a diet. Some people's bodies just need more nutrients due to weakened immune systems or other internal issues, and a lot of the time, those nutrients can only be found in animal protein sources. It makes sense - I have terrible, debilitating allergies, and from birth I have been warned about my weaker immune system (thanks to being a premature baby), so I was bound to encounter complications from all of this at some point in life. In any case, I am tired of being sick - tired of feeling tired. I want to be healthy again. I want to feel one-hundred percent again - or at least as close to it as I can get. And since almost everything in life is about trial and error, the only way for me to truly find out if perhaps some of these issues are caused by my dietary choices is to switch things up a bit. To try a new approach. My new approach? Adding some meat (only chicken and turkey) back in. I'll be avoiding red meat still, since it has been proven by a number of clinical studies to be unhealthy.

Another - perhaps greater - issue was the fact that some day (very soon) I want to have children. And raising my children vegetarian was something I never even considered. Of course a common topic of conversation with other people was what I thought about doing such a thing, and if it was something I planned to do, but in my book, the answer was always no. No way. Children have it hard enough without having to stick to a specialized diet that might alienate them from their friends or place them in uncomfortable, confusing situations in the lunchroom or at friends houses or even at restaurants (glance over a kid's menu sometime, you'll notice a distinct lack of vegetarian options).

Well fine, okay - why can't I just raise my kids as omnivores and stay a vegetarian anyway? There are certainly plenty of people out there who do it. For me, personally, I believe sitting down to dinner, with the whole family present and the tv turned off, is a very healthy, important part of family togetherness. Call me corny, but for someone who spent a great portion of her pre-college life eating fast food takeout and scarfing said takeout while IM'ing friends at the computer desk in the family room or vegging out in front of the tube, I cannot be convinced otherwise. My family will always (extenuating circumstances aside) sit down to the dinner table and share meals together. That's just the way it's got to be. And the reason I don't want to be the only vegetarian at the dinner table? There are quite a few. I don't want to be the mommy that doesn't eat the same things as the rest of her family - I don't want my children asking questions like "Mommy, why don't you want to try some of my chicken?" or "Daddy, why doesn't Mommy eat the same stuff we do?". I want to be able to sit down at the table and truly share a meal with my family - meat and all. I want to be able to share those dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and Thanksgiving dinners with my children, without any complicated questions about Mommy's diet.

Beyond that, as many who know me are aware, I love cooking. It's one of my greatest hobbies - to me, it's an art form. I literally get a new cook book and end up reading it cover to cover. Cooking (whether it be making dinner, or baking, or whatever) is a creative process for me. Oftentimes an experiment. It relaxes me and invigorates me. I rarely see it as a chore. So you can understand how I would have a difficult time with it if I remained a vegetarian while raising my children as omnivores. How would I cook their meals for them? Would I even know how to cook meat at all? And even if I figured it out, how would I know that it tasted any good if I couldn't try it? A lot of my cooking (probably close to 80 percent or more) is done by taste. I rarely follow any set recipes and generally just add things as I go along. It would be near impossible to cook meat dishes for my family and serve them without any idea if they're even edible. Sure I could just find some old stand-by recipes and follow them exactly and hope they come out alright, but that would take the joy out of cooking for me, and it would make me feel completely handicapped in my very own kitchen.

In any case, I'm still feeling very positive about the decision to give up an almost decade-long devotion to vegetarianism to go back to including meat as part of my diet. While I'll be taking a great many baby steps over the next few months, I am optimistic that I have made the right choice (for me), and I'm rather excited to see what happens next.

LiveBlog Experiment #1 - Fast Food Chicken

2008-10-16T13:07:00.004-04:00

Alright, so as I've mentioned - I decided that if I'm going to do this, I'm going all in. No holding back.

Today I'm testing that sentiment.

I didn't bring a lunch to work today, so obviously the need to run out and find something for lunch was in order. As I went over my options in my head, I quickly realized I was no longer limited to classic vegetarian-friendly places like Jason's Deli and Subway. As my entire goal of this meat-eating experiment is to have a healthier diet, I clearly didn't even consider places like Burger King or McDonald's (*shudder*) - but it did hit me that I had in fact recently read a study that rated fast food restaurants on overall healthfulness, and the one that scored the best was Chick-fil-A. I have never eaten at a Chick-fil-A, since they didn't really become hugely popular until after I had already gone meat-free. I decided that today would be the day I would finally try it.

1:00pm - Parked and walked in to the Chick-fil-A. Feeling a little hesitant. Am I really walking into a fast food place that for many years I avoided due to the fact that it is certainly one of the least veggie-friendly restaurants out there, considering the entire menu is made up of chicken products??

1:05pm - I place my order. A Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich (on whole wheat bun, no cheese), and a side of fruit.

1:06pm - Wow! Only $5 for everything? Awesome. This is WAY cheaper than Jason's Deli!

1:08pm - I walk out of the Chick-fil-A, food in hand, feeling a bit like a secret rebel for carrying a bag of food that I personally intend to eat even though it has meat in it...

1:09pm - I run to the Starbucks really quick to grab myself a hot green tea. Just in case this experiment goes south and I need the tea to calm my stomach afterward...

1:15pm - Back at the office, I sit down and take out the chicken sandwich box. I open it. Oh, man... am I really going to do this?? Am I ready for this?

1:16pm - I take my first bite. Huh. Once again, I'm surprised by the texture. It doesn't taste the way I expect it to - probably due to years and years of eating fake meat products and becoming rather accustomed to squishy, less-than-firm food. Not bad, though.

1:17pm - Second bite. It's actually quite good! I decided to use the Honey Roasted Barbeque sauce that came with it, and it adds a nice zing to the flavor. Still a little weirded out by the texture but I'm forcing myself to get over it.

1:20pm - Wow, there are pickles on this thing?? Huh, I didn't see that...

1:25pm - Alright, about halfway through the sandwich. Stomach is feeling alright - even if there is a war waging in my brain right now about how I'm consuming this entire chicken sandwich and how it feels completely unnatural and yet I'm doing it anyway. Definitely fighting back the urge to feel nauseous... I will NOT become one of those people who psychosomatically make themselves sick!!

1:27pm - I take a break to work on the fruit cup. This might help me get through it. Mmmmm it's yummy...

1:29pm - Ok, starting to feel a bit full now. I'm honestly thinking I won't be able to finish this sandwich after all. Not because of the chicken thing... just because of the being full thing.

1:32pm - Last bite I'm going to take of the sandwich. I'm stopping myself here. Sort of feeling a bit nauseous, and I worry that if I try to push it any further, I'll end up making myself sick. It's not worth it.

1:34pm - Still enough room to finish the fruit cup though!! <3 fruit <3

And so ends my LiveBlog of the Chick-fil-A Experiment. All in all, it went better than I expected! As for my thoughts now that it's over, I definitely think it was a good move to go with the grilled chicken sandwich over any of the nuggets or tenders. I think anything else may have been a bit much for my first real endeavor into this foreign world.

On a very exciting note (for me personally anyway), I managed to keep my lunch very healthy! According to the Chick-fil-A "meal calculator" tool on their website (a very cool and super useful feature, I might add), my entire meal - the whole Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich with the added Honey Barbecue sauce and the medium size fruit cup - equals out to 400 calories and 8 grams of fat. I also got a whopping 29 grams of protein out of the deal! And considering the fact that I didn't even finish the sandwich, I'd say that's pretty awesome.

In closing, I'm feeling quite full and satiated, and while I'm not feeling too nauseous anymore, I'll still probably drink the tea just in case. Best not to test these things too far at the beginning.

Stay tuned for future adventures into this newfangled ex-meat-eating-ex-vegetarian world!

Reactions: Day One

2008-10-15T08:44:00.003-04:00

Dinner ended at around 8 or 8:30 - I can't recall exactly the time, but I know I was feeling great. I had finally done it - finally gone back to a life with meat in it, and I was riding high on my excitement at having taken such a huge step in the direction of my future.

For the rest of the evening, I relaxed on the couch. Internet surfing, watching tv, cuddling with my husband. I marveled aloud almost hourly at the insanity of how almost a decade of my life had been spent one way and had just suddenly been changed over the span of a two hour dinner. I had no regrets, though - felt no qualms about my decision, no unease.

Truth be told, I had initially wondered what my immediate reaction would be. I had read horror stories about former vegetarians who, upon eating even the slightest bit of meat, fell terribly ill and spent the remainder of their evening vomiting. Knowing how sensitive my stomach can be at times, I feared a similar effect. I had also read studies by respected medical researchers about how most vegetarians only get sick because of the mental and emotional stress they feel over eating meat - how their symptoms are actually just pschosomatic. Either way, I was determined to not let it get to me. Mind over matter.

Feeling immensely positive about the entire event, I eventually crawled into bed exhausted but satisfied. It wasn't soon before I had drifted off into heavy slumber.

Around 1:30 a.m., Kevin - who had stayed up late since he doesn't work on Mondays - came to bed. As usual, his jostling around with the sheets and so on roused me awake. Suddenly, I was struck with an immense pain in my stomach. It felt as though someone were stabbing me over and over and over in the gut, and even the slighest movement caused the pain to worsen. I whimpered and cried and Kevin sat at my side worriedly, asking what he could do to help. I have no concept of how much time passed with me lying there, curled up in the fetal position on the side of the bed in my pain-filled half-asleep stupor. At some point I requested three Advil, hoping in vain that it might bring me some relief. Somehow I managed to fall back asleep and with sleep came the escape I had been hoping for.

The next morning, I awoke feeling slightly nauseous and a bit sleepy from my night of lost sleep, but otherwise fine. I had walked through fire - survived the terrible test of those vegetarian horror stories I had read about before. Just as firm in my convictions to begin eating meat again as I had been when I initially gave it up, I decided to move forward and put it all behind me. Perhaps last night had been the worst of it. And perhaps it hadn't. Either way I wasn't going to give up so easily.

If at first you don't succeed - try, try again. And so would I.

9 Years Later...

2008-10-13T22:39:00.004-04:00

It was Sunday night. Last night.

I had been thinking about it for awhile, talking about it secretly with a very select few, weighing the pros and cons and dealing with the fear of the unknown and trying to decipher the difference between valid reasoning and plain old self-justification.

I decided to do it. To go for it. Nine whole years and not even once did I ever falter - I never gave in. Was this giving in? Did this count as failure? Or was this a success? To have gone so long and after so long to finally make an informed decision about where to go from here?

Originally I hadn't planned on it happening this soon. I had already made the decision but I was planning on not having to actually follow through with it for at least a week - maybe even longer, depending on how I could swing it. Sure, it was easy to say I was going to do it. Easy to talk about it as if it were an inevitability eventually, but when it came right down to it, I was terrified.

This was something I didn't think I would ever be able to do. I had always envisioned myself strong, unwavering in my convictions. Was I wavering now? Would giving in make me appear weak? Noncommittal? I was uncertain as to the far-reaching implications of such a choice. Would it matter? Would anyone even really care? I was sure to find out either way.

So we sit down to dinner. All eyes on the table on me. I glance over the menu fleetingly, in my usual fashion - discounting anything that contains the key words "chicken", "prosciutto", "steak", and so forth. This was not at all an effective way of finding something to order, especially when it would be such a life-altering decision. The choice had to be perfect, otherwise I would risk almost certain failure. I had to completely re-train my brain and force it into submission. Force it to focus on words that were now foreign. Force it to look at those words and try to see them as appealing rather than completely unappetizing and off-limits.

Eventually I struck a deal. Kevin (my husband) would order something that I could potentially try eating, and I could order something less committal - something that contained a back-up plan in the event this entire experiment turned out to be a colossal failure.

Kevin ordered the "Chicken Bryan". Two grilled (I think?) chicken medallions topped off with fresh goat cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, and fresh basil - and let us not forget - "seasoned to perfection". Ah yes. That will certainly make or break the night. I went with something far more conservative. Angel hair pasta with my usual - diced tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, basil. Fairly basic. Except this time, something was different. Instead of saying "No thank you" when the waitress asked if I wanted anything on top of it, I responded quite meekly with a "Chicken, please" and then quickly averted my eyes so as to avoid any potential shame - as if she could possibly know the incredible weight of such a seemingly meaningless dining decision.

The plates were delivered much swifter than I had imagined possible. My time was up. No more avoiding it - my fate was on the table in front of me, and I had to act. Kevin pulled the camera out - trained the lens on my rather apprehensive face - and prompted me to "take a bite".

Suddenly, butterflies in my stomach began fluttering - more like swarming - and I almost completely lost control. I hesitated and for a moment that seemed to last for eons, I almost decided to back down. To sit back and set down my fork and say "Not today. Perhaps some other time."

But no. The moment passed, and with it, so did the butterflies.

I took a bite. I chewed. I swallowed. And then it was over - all of the fear, all of the doubt, all of the uncertainty was completely washed away and I was left feeling completely relieved that not only had I miraculously survived this encounter - I had taken hold of it and was now feeling entirely confident in my decision. My family and my husband backing me up every step of the way - never judging, never questioning - I surged forward into a completely brand new era of my life.

For nine whole years I lived as a vegetarian, completely confident in my ways. I have no regrets. Vegetarianism was a part of who I was - and it always will be. When the day comes that one of my children asks to be a vegetarian, I will not question their decision - I will support them wholeheartedly and regale them with stories about my near-decade devotion to a meat-free lifestyle. I will give them tips and hints and recipes that might hopefully make their transition easier, and I will more than anything be there to them and to the world as an example that such life choices shape not just who you are at the moment, but who you eventually become.

Life Without Meat, Part One.

2008-10-13T17:13:00.005-04:00

My transition into vegetarianism was not a difficult one. It happens that even as a child, I was never terribly fond of meat to begin with. I was the strange child at the dinner table who usually ate more of her veggies and less of whatever meat was served. There were many times I can remember going so far as to attempt to hide the meat in my napkin (you know the trick - put food in mouth, pretend to chew and enjoy, and when the parentals aren't looking, quickly spit it out in your napkin and tuck said napkin away and out of sight). So you can see how giving up meat wasn't a very big deal in my book.

There would be a few things I'd undeniably miss, and perhaps occasionally pine over - such as wonton soup (I LOVED wonton soup, especially when I was sick), chicken nuggets (who DOESN'T love chicken nuggets?? Especially those really cool dinosaur-shaped ones!), and turkey sandwiches (had to be Boars Head turkey though, and only that Salsalito kind - I was very picky, even back then). I knew my cravings for my favorites would eventually subside, and I decided a life free of animal murdering was worth giving up my handful of meat-centric vices.

It probably helped that I had at least one friend who was also "doing the vegetarian thing" (my parents, as I have mentioned, liked to throw out casual phrases such as this one in an attempt to dissuade me from my convictions). My friend Jen had just recently turned veggie, and so she and I swapped information, ideas, recipes and food buying tips on a fairly regular basis at the start.

I learned about things I had never before heard of - such as "TVP" (Texturized Vegetable Protein), "Tofu" (I had only heard of this one previously in a "Doug" song... "Killer Tofu!"), and "Bean Curd" (used interchangeably with tofu - basically the same thing). I also familiarized myself with some very important brands that I would find myself paying a pretty hefty price for at the grocery store. The words "Morningstar", "Boca", and "Amy's" were no longer just words, but rather, rules I lived by. They were my salvation in a world so dependent on meat - they offered me alternatives that would support my vegetarianism while at the same time helping me to appear a little more normal around my peers. These "alternatives" came in the form of "Chik nuggets", "Chik patties", "Gardenburgers", and "Veggie Dogs" - among other things. It was incredible! Food that LOOKED like the normal meat dishes my friends and family ate, and tasted arguably the same, yet wasn't made up of dead animal! I centered my life around these incredible new discoveries.

Eventually I found that as life at the home dinner table became considerably easier, life out in the real world - at restaurants and fast food joints and friends houses - became much more difficult, thanks to my new meat-free lifestyle...

The Beginning...

2008-10-13T12:30:00.001-04:00

For those who don't know me, I have spent the last 9 years of my life as a vegetarian. For many who do know me, being a vegetarian was a huge part of who I was - as I go over it in my head, I can only think of a handfull of friends who knew me prior to my conversion to full veggie-ism.

It all began with a video. You know the video. Black and white, poorly filmed, wrought with an omnipresent important-sounding heavy narration whose sole purpose is to make your heart ache and your stomach turn at the horrifying images being flashed on-screen.

Yeah, you know the one.

In any case, after returning home from school on that fateful day, I sat down to a dinner of pork chops and mashed potatoes and found myself utterly incapable of eating a single bite of the rotting, stinking animal flesh on my plate. In actuality it was one of my favorite dishes - but no longer. I announced to the dinner table I was becoming a vegetarian.

You can imagine how well THAT one went over. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that I left the table crying, my empty stomach growling, and even more determined in my conviction to give up a life of meat-eating more than ever before.

Eventually, my parents calmed down. They rationalized that perhaps if I were to eat some kind of protein source that they were familiar with (I could not possibly expect them to even begin to understand what "TVP" was at the time) then this "vegetarian phase" might not be so impossible to deal with. So an agreement was reached that I would still include fish in my diet, but nothing else. No chicken, no turkey, no beef, no pork. Just fish. Secretly I'm sure they hoped this was a fleeting interest that would pass in time, just as many other impulsive, life-altering decisions during the turbulent teenage years tend to. Unfortunately for them, this impulsive decision of mine lasted a very full, very meat-free near-decade.

And so began my life as an ex-meat-eating vegetarian.